Finding the Lessons

This has been a very interesting few days for me. I essentially broke up with someone who at one time in my life was a very close friend of mine and has held a special place in my heart for a very long time. And it hurts. A lot. It really feels a lot like breaking up with a boyfriend or perhaps a small taste of what it might be like to go through a divorce. It's not a good feeling. The pangs of emotion hit me throughout the day and it effects me physically as well as emotionally and spiritually. This was brought home when my chiropractor asked me yesterday if I'd been banging my head against a wall as my left temporal lobe was in complete disarray. Emotions effect us physically as well as on the inside, even when we don't think they do.

I'm of the school of thought that everything happens for a reason, that there are lessons in everything and it's our job to look for them and receive them as such if we want to grow. Painful experiences are often the deliverers of the most profound growth and learning and it is holding true for me this week.

Here are a few of the lessons I'm learning about myself:

- Breaking up is hard. It hurts and yet the mere existence of hurt shows that love also exists. If it didn't hurt, there would be no love and love is good.
- I'm really hard on myself sometimes. I hold myself to a high standard and can be very judgmental of myself. When I am judgmental of myself, it often projects out onto other people and I judge them too. Compassion for myself and, in turn, for others is the answer here. I'm working on that.
- When I try to "rise above" my hurt I deny my humanness and that's not healthy. Even though it's painful, going through the hurt is the path to healing. Repression only leads to anger and more hurt.
- Even though anger is often the quickest, easiest and first answer to difficult situations, it's not the path to growth. Spiritual and emotional growth only come from moving beyond anger and dealing with the real feelings that are lying underneath.
- I am strong enough to leave a relationship that isn't working for me even though it's hard. I could not have done that 10 years ago.
- Deep breathing really does help. So does crying. And so does having people around who love and support you. That helps a lot.

Of course none of us wants to ever have to walk through times of pain and hurt but it's part of life. Suffering is part of life. The real test is in how we walk through these times and how we come out of it on the other side.

I'm still walking this path and I'm still learning and I'm sure I'll be here for a good, long time. I will always miss having my friend in my life and I am grieving for that loss but if I can come out the other side of this having grown and feeling love and compassion, then I will have indeed found the lesson in this suffering. May it be so.