Spin Class is NOT Yoga....right?

I usually get up and go to the YMCA to work out on Monday and Wednesday mornings, typically arriving between 6:15-6:45am. This morning, thanks to the new puppy, I was up at 5am. There's a point during sleep where you know if you get up now, you're up. And if you go back to sleep, you'll sleep for longer than you had intended, and that choice was before me this morning. So, having a lot to do on this Monday morning a week before Christmas, I chose to get up. After finishing my grocery list, I decided to head to the Y to get my workout done. When I walk into my YMCA, there's a spin class room that's very near the entrance and I usually see them in there pedaling away to some good music. I've been tempted to join them to check it out but them I remember that I really don't like to bike all that much and I head upstairs to the eliptical machine and my DIY channel and end with a bit of yoga asana. It's a very effective, enjoyable and educational time of day for me. This morning, I walked in at 5:55 and decided that I would try out the Spin Class. Now, anyone who listens to anything about exercising or going to the gym has heard about the Spin Class. The people who spin are dedicated. They sweat. A lot. They're motivated people. I, on the other hand, don't really like to bike as it's not a comfortable situation. Nevertheless, I ask the ladies at the front desk about the class and they encourage me to try it. I tell them I don't really like to bike because it hurts my butt. Instead of saying something like, "Oh these seats are really comfortable. You'll be fine." They say something more like, "I KNOW! My butt hurts for days after this class." Ummm, not really the reassurance I was looking for but the decision has been made and I'm going to try it so I can at least say I've done it and know if I like it or not. Okay. Here we go. I recalled seeing that people always walked in carrying a water bottle and a towel. I luckily had a water bottle in my bag so I grabbed and filled that and, not wanting to dig all the way through my bag, decided to forgo the towel. How sweaty can you get, anyway? (I've done plenty of Hot Yoga so I actually do know the answer to that question. They make special towels to absorb all of the Hot Yoga sweat because the answer to "how sweaty can you get" is VERY sweaty. Gallons of sweat, sweaty. So, I KNOW sweaty and felt that this couldn't possibly compete). So, I walk into the room bidding the front desk ladies to wish me good luck, which they did. I see a bike that no one has yet claimed with their water bottle and hop on. I begin to pedal and notice that the tension is obviously on 0. Sweet! My next thought is, "Dang, this seat is NOT comfortable." Seriously, these seats are joke, right? It's hard as a rock and nestles up right between my sitz bones so that, with every turn of the pedal, it just nestles itself deeper into the edge of the bone which it is obviously wearing away like water running over rock for millions of years. So, I'm not comfortable. As I'm having this very obvious realization, the teacher comes over to introduce himself. Like I said, spinners are a dedicated bunch so when a new face walks into the room, it's like a spotlight is shining down on you with sirens that scream, "NEWBY, NEWBY, NEWBY!!" So, George comes over to say, "hi" and make sure I know how to use the bike (I was feeling just fine on tension level zero, thanks!). He was very nice and welcoming and he seemed to think I'd be just fine in class. Okay. So everyone saddles up, the music starts, and we're off. My butt hurts but the tension is okay even though I've started to crank it up past level zero to maybe a level 1/2. I'm good. We do a few minutes of warm up and then he tells us to really crank it up so that our pedaling matches the music. Okay, I have to increase the tension because I'm flyin' over here! So, I turn up the tension a bit more and look down at the floor and notice a few droplets there. Is the ceiling leaking? No, I'm starting to sweat. We're about 3 minutes in and it's happening already. As we progress through the 45 minute class, each song becomes a different focus. Sometimes it's a hill, sometimes you stand up, sometimes you get a drink (for a few seconds), but you're always pedaling and always adjusting the tension up and down. When a seemingly never ending Beatles song comes on through which I was really turning up the juice on that tension, I remembered that Beatles songs are only about 3 minutes long. This was going to be a long class! He finally tells us to stand up for the next song. So, we crank up the tension and stand up so we can stay with the beat of the music. As I stand up, I feel all of the blood flow back into the my bottom much like the flush you feel after Garudasana (Eagle Pose). Hmm, interesting. I've had yoga teachers say (and I'll admit to using it in my classes too) that we store our junk in our trunk. So, pairing the cleansing effect of the blood flush with the junk in my trunk, I'm thinking that I got rid of some stuff every time I stood up in class this morning. Yes! We get about 1/2 way through the class and George brings us into a seated hill sequence. He says to really get your glutes into it but I'm sorry George, my glutes are busy being masticated by the bike seat. I'll catch you later on that one. My quads are serving me just fine, thank you very much. By the next song, I'm starting to understand why Amanda Bynes got off her bike and started doing her makeup in the middle of class. I can sympathize with that. When there are 15 minutes left of class, George comes over to check in with me and give me a little pep talk to get me through to the end. "You doing okay?" "Yep" "Can you make it to the end?" "Yep" Okay, here we go. Last 15 minutes. I got this. I've been practicing Yoga for a lot of years now. I know what it's like to have days where you get on your mat and struggle through a practice and then finally reach a point where you just let go. Your breath comes easier,you feel yourself relax and, suddenly, the struggle is gone and you're just there, on your mat, with your breath, and it's just bliss. As we were working into that last 15 minutes and there's a pumping song on the stereo and my thighs are burning, I'm breathing hard and deep and then...it all just melted away. The discomfort, the sweat that was now dripping off of me in rivulets, the struggle...it just dropped away and it all felt good and right. It was that moment of bliss that I've felt time and time again on my mat and it was right there in Spin Class. I don't yet know if I'll do another Spin Class. Time will tell and I have to see how I'm feeling over the next day or two. In the end, I'm grateful to have the reminder that I can experience yoga - that coming together of breath, calm, and release - whether I'm on my mat, on a bike in Spin Class, or driving in my car. It's always with me and available to me and thank goodness for that!

Camper: How a Nature-Skittish, Squeamish Girl Grew up and Became a Camping Mama

I'm an unexpected camper. I went camping with my mom and grandparents once, maybe twice (but probably just once) when I was a kid. My grandparents had a big camper that they'd take to a lake and hang out for awhile every summer. My mom thought it would be fun to join them. Boy did she learn her lesson. While she grew up going to the family lake house every weekend in the summer, her daughter did not. And she did not like this idea of camping or putting her feet into a lake where you couldn't see the bottom and what is that touching me!?!?! The fire made me sneeze, I HATE mosquitoes, the bug spray makes me sneeze and itch, and creepy-crawlies are not on my list of favorites either. Needless-to-say, my only takeaway from that camping trip was the obsessive searching for and worrying about spiders that I absolutely knew were sharing my bed with me. I must have been a ball of fun. So no-one was more surprised than me when, 25 or so years later, I found myself suggesting to my husband that we try camping. What? Well, I became a mom of boys. That was part of it. The other part was listening to stories told by my brother-in-law about how his mom would take him and his 4 siblings camping. By herself. He talked about it with such fondness and with such respect for his mom that I decided that I wanted to be that mom. I could do this. I could get over my life-long aversion to all things camping and take my kids camping. By myself. Yeah! It goes deeper than that, though. I want my boys to see their mother as capable. I want them to see me as someone who doesn't back down from a challenge, who does things, tries things, and makes things happen even when they're hard and even when it goes against all that I've ever known to date. I want my boys to have those same, awesome memories of going camping with their mom. And, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em - that's pretty much become my motto since sons 3 and 4 arrived. So, I convinced my husband that this was a good idea - or at least that it wasn't the worst idea in the world and that I was going to do it with or without him so he might as well be on board (he's a saint, that one). We gathered all of the necessary supplies that my friends and the internet told me we needed to have, figured out how to put up the tents, I purchased full-fledged allergy medication and bug spray, found a spot and headed out with another family on a moms and kids trip. And it was awesome. My boys loved it in a totally primal way. They came alive in a way I had never seen them be alive - they were exuberant, wild, filled with life and joy and so very happy. It was a joy to watch them; I knew I had made the right decision and was so glad I had taken that leap. I should mention that my twins were all of about age 2 1/2 at this point so nothing was easy, including camping, but I was determined and they too seemed like different kids. They even loved sleeping in the tent. It really was awesome. We did several mom and kid trips and had a great time. We even convinced other moms and kids to join us and it truly became this whole village type of thing and I loved it. My husband even started to join us after that first year when he kept hearing all of our great tales. We have now caved a bit and, last summer, got a pop-up camper which we're having fun using. We're mostly fall campers and having a pop-up allows us to extend our season and gives us a place to go during inclement weather and still be able to move around. My oldest son, the teenager, still prefers to set up his tent and have his own space which is perfect for him. Some call it cheating, I don't care. We still tent camp sometimes and sometimes I can still convince a mom or two to go camping with us. Somewhere along the way, we became a camping family and I couldn't be happier. Last weekend, we went on our most recent trip with our Spanish Foreign Exchange Student who was with us for the month of July. Camping in the US is different than camping in Europe and it was fun exposing him to how we do it on this side of the pond. He loved his first roasted marshmallows and s'mores declaring them "beautiful!" My favorite moment, however, was when a rain storm hit. We all went into the camper and crowded around the little table. There, we sat playing games for a couple of hours, laughing, talking, and being together in a way that just doesn't seem to happen in our busy, modern lives at home. One of the biggest reasons I love camping is that it allows us to be together as a family in a different way than we are on a daily basis. There's no technology, nothing to distract us, and life gets simple. We go for hikes, we sit around the fire, we play games, toss around the football, we laugh, we talk, and we just "be". It truly is beautiful.

Summer is almost here! We've had quite the year so far with M being in 7th grade, G in 6th grade and the twins age 5. Everyone is growing up and it's a blessing and a challenge all at the same time but mostly a blessing. We've had challenges surrounding dogs in which we had to put Teddy down due to him biting too many people and not being safe to have around anyone except M and myself. And then we got this awesome, amazing puppy that we all loved so much and she died when an infection in her belly went septic. We were devastated. And yet we remain open to love and giving that love to another dog that comes our way. And for those who know us, it's not surprising to think that will be soon as we tend to move on with life fairly quickly. In other news, we all survived the winter that almost didn't end rather well. By the end (in early May), the kids were bored with their usual playthings and were getting into some of the toys and games that they haven't touched in a long time. It was fun to see their creativity blossoming. The twins became expert fort builders over the winter and we now know the location of every single blanket and pillow in our house since all were used sometime in the last couple of months. Life continues to move forward and we all continue to grow and learn. We work to see and smooth out our challenging areas and breathe more life into our areas of strength. Tim has a great balance at work that enables him to use his extensive knowledge and skills of supply chain systems and all things technology and organization and still spend plenty of time with his family. And I continue to teach several yoga classes a week and am moving toward formally offering my services as a nutritional consultant. We've spent so many years navigating the world of food allergies and healing that I've amassed a fair amount of knowledge that can be helpful for others; I look forward to watching that develop. The boys are wrapping up their school year. It's fun for me that I can now give them the complete list of what I want them to accomplish in order to be considered "done" with school for the year and they can largely work on it at their own pace. M is almost entirely self-directed and he loves that. G still likes to have some direction and support and that usually works well for all of us too. The twins are dabbling here and there with math and learning to read and simply exploring life which is the best teacher of them all. So, we'll see how soon I can eek out another post. It's nice to catch up every now and then. I think about it often but rarely actually get to logging on and posting (obviously). Just add that to the list of things I could be more consistent about. Life is nothing if not fulfilling and I'm grateful that I have so many wonderful things in my life that I can't find time for all of them. It's nice to have options. :) As always, life is good.

Wow! I've managed to go almost an entire year since my last post. That's insane! It's truly insane how fast the time goes. I won't even try to catch up on all of the things we've been doing over the past year. Suffice it to say that blogging has NOT been one of them. Quick update: M is 12.5 yrs old, G is 11 yrs old and S and C are 4.5+ years old and rapidly closing in on age 5 for which we are very excited and grateful simply because we all made it this far and I'm still married. Whew! Moving on... So every summer for the last few, I've set up a Summer Projects List for myself. I learned somewhere near the beginning of my homeschooling journey 9 1/2 years ago that I can barely scrub a toilet during the school year let alone actually get anything organized or cleaned out (including the refrigerator but I'll spare you the details of that fun job). So far this summer, I've cleaned out and organized every single one of our closets, Tim did the garage, I did all of the drawers and cupboards in the kitchen, have sorted through my closet and the twin's closet (kind of), sorted through books and toys and started planning school for next year which really shouldn't be considered a "job" because I love it to an embarrassing degree. Today, I cleaned out my scrapbooking corner. Once upon a time, I had only 1 child. He was young (less than 1 year) and I got invited to a Creative Memories party. I was immediately sucked in. I loved it and spent as much time as I could over the next 10 years scrapbooking. I even became a CM consultant for 10 years. When the twins came along, I was all caught up with journaling and my albums and vowed just to keep up with printing and sorting photos until I could get back to my addiction...well, those twins are almost 5 now and while they do both have albums, I don't think they're even born yet in those albums and I haven't done much of anything with any of it for a very long time. And I have an INSANE number of photos printed and organized (yay for that at least!). I ceased to be a consultant nearly 2 years ago and everything has been sitting in my corner taking up space and getting dusty as most things tend to do in my house. Meanwhile, I've taken up knitting but we don't talk about the knitting around the scrapbooking supplies because they're prone to jealousy and they just can't compete what with being all immobile and everything which is why I took up knitting in the first place: you can take it places and it can fit in your purse and you get to wear it. As I was putting away all of my scrapbooking supplies (just into storage for a while. I will return to it at some point...another summer project perhaps), memories aptly flooded me. Memories of all of the countless hours spent cutting, adhering, artfully planning, writing, drawing and creating my beautiful scrapbooks. All of the hours I spent with friends and family talking and making memories together as we preserved our precious memories. I got to spend lots of time with both of my grandmothers: one while she scrapbooked her own family memories and the other while we created an album of my grandfather's life together (we're still working on hers and we WILL finish it!). Those were precious, precious hours and I will cherish them forever. I remember how much having my business meant to me. I spent all of my time with my 2 young children and doing daycare and it was a huge adult outlet for me that I desperately needed. It allowed me to connect with people in a different way: To be mothers and daughters together. To create priceless gifts for people and to express things in albums that aren't always easy to say. It was an amazing time in my life and I'm so grateful for it. It seemed like it would last forever and yet, it didn't. As my children grow and life takes me hither and thither I'm reminded of how fleeting everything is. We often feel like things will always be this way. We'll always have these friends, our kids will always be here and we'll always be doing this - whatever "this" is. And yet we know that's not true. Whether things change so slowly that we hardly notice or so quickly that we can hardly keep up, change they do. And hopefully we can look back and recognize how precious those moments were and how precious these moments are now. Right here. In this moment. We are exactly where we're supposed to be doing exactly what we're supposed to be doing. Right now. And in a moment from now, it's all going to change. And I am grateful for all of it.

Summer 2011 in photos

M's prize carving! We're so proud of him and more importantly, he's so proud of himself!


Watching Matt pull away with the truck to begin the move to California.


We took Adrien (left), our foreign exchange student, and Sam (right) our neighbor/sitter, down to Finnridge for one of the weekends of Adrien's stay. They LOVED it. Here they are putting walnut oil on the spatulas that they made with Wayne and Mark. What a great time we all had!


C has the distinction of being the first Boos Boy with stitches. Brother M's catapult arm came up and his face got in the way. A slightly traumatizing (for both mom and boy) Urgent Care visit later and he emerged with 2 stitches on the outside and 2 on the inside. Lesson learned: always go to Children's Hospital, NOT Urgent Care.


We had an awesome girl's night and not-goodbye party for Andrea. So fun to have a silly and meaningful night with the girls.


We went with my dad on a tour of Target Field. It was really a great tour.


Brotherly Love. A semi-rare moment when no one is screaming or crying :)


M - turning into a handsome young man.


My G-man. He celebrated his 10th birthday this summer!

Summer 2011

We've had quite a summer so far! M and G finished up 5th and 4th grades respectively. We had great intentions of continuing with some school during the summer but the warm weather and sultry days have gotten the best of us and not much has happened in that department but that's what summer is about.

I do have a long list of summer projects and many of them have gotten done or are in the works. Hopefully I'll get them all finished up before the summer gets away from me!

In June, we experienced a very sad tragedy when a homeschool family in our community was in a car accident that left dad and 2 of the 4 children dead. It was a shock that went through the entire community and we're still dealing with the grief and sadness as we all will for a very long time. Although my children have experienced death several times in their short lives, this is the first time that they've known kids their own age who have died. Heartbreaking doesn't even touch on how we all feel about this. The community continues to support the family through meals and prayers and will do so for a long time to come. It was beautiful to see the outpouring of support as the family asked our co-op to provide cupcakes for the funeral service in honor of the daughter who had recently begun a cupcake making business. When they asked for 12 dozen, they got about 30 dozen - people just wanted to help and it was heart warming to see how true that was. It was the most beautiful and wretched funeral I have ever and will ever attend and the sounds and images still fill my mind and heart. There's no way to describe watching a mother and wife having to say goodbye to 2 of her children and her husband.

As part of our own healing process and those of the children in our community, many of us gathered the day before the funeral to have our own healing ceremony. We adults knew that we wanted to talk to each other and our kids had the same need and boy did we hear some amazingly profound things come from the mouths of our children. It was a priviledge to witness it.

With heavy hearts and a different outlook on life, our summer continued on.

In July, we went to Finnridge for our annual trip and spent several days there rejuvenating and it was awesome. We had a family reunion with my mom's family soon after and that same day, welcomed our French foreign exchange student who was with us for 3 weeks. What an awesome experience that was. He fit completely into our family and we had a wonderful time with him. Saying goodbye was very hard.

Then came August 1 - the day I had to say goodbye to my sister. Angella got her pre-doctoral internship at San Jose State University...that's in California...not Minnesota. I had known for a long time that it was coming but it didn't make it any easier to bring her and my niece T to the airport to say goodbye. It was a tough day and a tough week that kind of caught me by surprise. I knew I would be sad but I didn't expect to have a dark cloud surrounding me the entire week which culminated with my birthday and lots of tears. I know it will get easier and I know that it's most likely just 1 year but I miss her dearly. G and I are planning a trip out to visit for a week in October and I'm really looking forward to that. They're already getting settled and having a great time exploring their new territory and I'm really excited for them. I've always been the one who leaves and that's hard enough but I guess it was time that I experienced the other side as she has done several times before. This is harder.

Throughout all of this, I've been working to finish up my reading, mentorship, Karma yoga project and tech sessions to complete my 230 hour yoga teacher certification. Sunday, I graduate! I'm really excited. I've learned so much over the past year and yet I know that it's barely the tip of the iceberg. My head swims sometimes when I think about all of the things I've been introduced to and I hardly know where to begin to delve deeper as there are so many things calling to me but it's awesome to know that I have time to explore it all in my own time and in my own way. This is the path I've been looking for for so many years. It's awesome. I've already started to teach some regular gigs and more are presenting themselves all the time. I think I could be very busy if I want to be! I love it that this doesn't feel like a job. It's more like "I GET to go teach a class today". What a gift. I can't wait to see where it takes me. After graduating on Sunday, I'll be studying with Seane Corn all week next week and I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!

M and G have worked on their 4H projects throughout the year and now it's fair time. M submitted his 2 projects last Saturday: a board of his cartoons and a carved wooden village scene. He was so proud to have earned a blue ribbon for each project and ended up winning a Champion ribbon for the carving project. He's over the moon with excitement. Looking into the eyes of my child who is so proud of himself because he worked so hard on something and he accomplished what he wanted to accomplish is amazing. I'm so proud of him. (pictures in the next post)

G decided to do a guitar piece for his project and despite being really afraid of getting up on stage, he overcame his fears and put on a great performance which also won him a blue ribbon. The judges were really impressed that he's only been playing for 9 months. He did such a great job and I'm so proud of him!

We have a few weeks of summer left and we're making the most of them. The weather is gorgeous after weeks of swealtering heat and humidity that largely kept us either inside or in the water. We've now thrown the windows open and are basking in the fresh, sunny air. This is my kind of weather indeed! We haven't gotten to do any camping yet this summer for various reasons but hopefully this weather will stick around and we'll be able to take a trip or two yet this summer and fall.

The next posts will contain some photos of our summer fun :)

The Great Getaway

Tim and I have recently returned from our first vacation without the kids in many years. We went with another couple who hadn't been away in even longer than us and we all needed the break desperately! It took a few days for all of us to come down a bit but the relaxation set in and it was fantastic. We all came back refreshed with our cups full and running over ready to take on our worlds once again. We went to Puerto Vallarta which is just paradise on earth and we loved every minute of it. I ran and did yoga nearly every day, sipped fun drinks, had lots of fun adventures and bought a timeshare that we happen to be very excited about :). We're excited to hopefully go back with the kids next year along with a sitter to have an extra set of hands and eyes and give mom and dad a bit of a vacation too. Here are a few key shots from the trip.

New Haircut

This is my 2nd attempt at posting these photos and hopefully they'll work this time! S, at almost 3 1/2, got his 1st haircut. He was enthralled with the process and, as with the other boys, we watched him move from baby to little boy with every snip of the scissors. The new do really suits him and makes him look even more identical to big brother M at that age!

Seriously? It's March already?

I started this year of 2011 feeling behind. We came out of our Holiday season having celebrated 5 Christmases and still having one to go which didn't happen until January 8th and while it was very enjoyable, the whole timing of it left me feeling very behind. I know that this seems to be my mantra "I'm so behind". Hmmm, must meditate on that one...but when you honestly can't remember the last time your toilets were scrubbed and your kids are making comments about them...you're behind. The toilets finally got cleaned (not even 2 weeks ago - I said it was bad!) and with that, I finally felt "caught up" for the first time all year. I'm totally feeling the effects of being gone at my yoga teacher training all day every Sunday and not having that day at home. Apparently, I used to do a lot of productive things on Sunday that I didn't really notice until I wasn't around to do them anymore. Whooda thunk?

Some really great things have happened this year so far:

- S is officially POTTY TRAINED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No more diapers. Ever. Never ever again. Wahoo!!!!!
- The twins are officially done nursing. That was slightly bittersweet but we were all ready. I said I wanted to nurse them until between ages 2 and 3 and they were 3 years, 2 months when they stopped. It was such a lovely experience nursing them for so long and I have wonderful memories of it. And I'm glad that we're done and moving on.
- M turned 11! It seems to get more "real" every year. 11, wow! He had a fun couple of parties and we honored him just right.
- Tim and I booked a vacation...alone...just us...no kids. Awesome.
- My sister "matched" for her doctoral internship which is a REALLY big deal. We're so happy for her and kind of selfishly sad that it will take her to California but they're going to have a great time...and then move back in a year. For real.
- I've started running again and I actually like it quite a bit. I never thought I'd say that.
- As part of my yoga teacher training, I've done a meditation series and a practice development series (both of which were really wonderful) and I'm signed up to study with Seane Corn for a week in August about which I'm totally stoked. I'm learning so much through this process not only about yoga, but about myself. And things are coming up for me and I'm working through them which kind of suck sometimes but it's all part of the journey and it will be worth it in the end. I truly love this teacher training process. I've been doing some practice teaching here and there which is helping me become more comfortable with things as well (like figuring out which arm is your left and which one is the right without having to look at my own hands or do the posture myself); it's not always as easy as it looks! It's very cool that I get to decide what kind of a teacher I want to be and what I want to put out there. It's also kind of intimidating for the same reasons. Again, all good stuff.
- We officially finished the Harry Potter series! We flew through the 7th book in record time (for us) and then suffered the inevitable Potter Void symptoms as we floated around the house trying in vain to find something to fill it. We did finally settle on some good ol' Raold Dahl books but we're still suffering some of the lingering effects of Potter Void. At least we have one more movie to look forward to :)

We've had tons of snow and despite the general feeling of dismay on Facebook, I love it. It's been beautiful watching it come down; so peaceful. We're just hoping for a slow thaw to minimize the inevitable flooding.

For some reason, I caught the school planning bug really early this year and have been having way too much fun planning what we're going to do next year. The boys have finally figured out that once they get done with the stuff that I have planned for them, they have plenty of time to study the stuff that they want to study. The cool questions are starting to flow more freely now and it's getting really fun. There's truly nothing more satisfying than having your child say "I just read something about the Tropic of Cancer and I don't know what that is. Can we look it up?" Music to my ears!! Even the little ones are getting in on it and asking to "do school" which pretty much involves looking at their letters, making sounds, identifying the colors of every truck we see, counting the number of cookies the neighbor lady gave us and roaming around the house pretending to be cows. Good times. It really is fun to have some older ones (we're starting Middle School next year - wow!) and some younger ones to stay in balance.

I have to say that when the twins were little I had so very many parents of multiples offer "when they turn 3, it gets way better". They were so right. 3 year olds are awesome and times 2 is just super cool...most of the time. Of course right now they're having World War III but it all goes along with the territory. Most of the time, they play together incredibly well and the way that they're participating in co-operative play is heartwarming. We delight in watching them.

So, life goes on as usual in our household. Our thoughts begin to turn to warmer weather and activities that go along with it: camping, summer fun, swimming, go to the beach, hiking, riding bikes, playing outside, etc. The twins are finally going to be old enough this year where we can really get out and do lots of things that we've had on hold for the past 3 1/2 years. It was worth the break but we're going to be really grateful to have some freedom this summer that we've not had in several years. BRING IT ON!

Finding the Lessons

This has been a very interesting few days for me. I essentially broke up with someone who at one time in my life was a very close friend of mine and has held a special place in my heart for a very long time. And it hurts. A lot. It really feels a lot like breaking up with a boyfriend or perhaps a small taste of what it might be like to go through a divorce. It's not a good feeling. The pangs of emotion hit me throughout the day and it effects me physically as well as emotionally and spiritually. This was brought home when my chiropractor asked me yesterday if I'd been banging my head against a wall as my left temporal lobe was in complete disarray. Emotions effect us physically as well as on the inside, even when we don't think they do.

I'm of the school of thought that everything happens for a reason, that there are lessons in everything and it's our job to look for them and receive them as such if we want to grow. Painful experiences are often the deliverers of the most profound growth and learning and it is holding true for me this week.

Here are a few of the lessons I'm learning about myself:

- Breaking up is hard. It hurts and yet the mere existence of hurt shows that love also exists. If it didn't hurt, there would be no love and love is good.
- I'm really hard on myself sometimes. I hold myself to a high standard and can be very judgmental of myself. When I am judgmental of myself, it often projects out onto other people and I judge them too. Compassion for myself and, in turn, for others is the answer here. I'm working on that.
- When I try to "rise above" my hurt I deny my humanness and that's not healthy. Even though it's painful, going through the hurt is the path to healing. Repression only leads to anger and more hurt.
- Even though anger is often the quickest, easiest and first answer to difficult situations, it's not the path to growth. Spiritual and emotional growth only come from moving beyond anger and dealing with the real feelings that are lying underneath.
- I am strong enough to leave a relationship that isn't working for me even though it's hard. I could not have done that 10 years ago.
- Deep breathing really does help. So does crying. And so does having people around who love and support you. That helps a lot.

Of course none of us wants to ever have to walk through times of pain and hurt but it's part of life. Suffering is part of life. The real test is in how we walk through these times and how we come out of it on the other side.

I'm still walking this path and I'm still learning and I'm sure I'll be here for a good, long time. I will always miss having my friend in my life and I am grieving for that loss but if I can come out the other side of this having grown and feeling love and compassion, then I will have indeed found the lesson in this suffering. May it be so.

Fall Photos

Angella took some photos of the boys this fall and they were fantastic. Here's a small sampling, all of which show each boys' personality.

Something for mom

As a mom, especially a stay-at-home-homeschool mom, it's very easy for everything in our lives to become about our kids, homeschooling, our homes and everything that goes with all of that-which is a lot! I've had friends who don't stay home with their kids ask what we do all day and sometimes it's hard to answer with specifics; all I know is that we definitely manage to stay busy! Because of all of that, it's very easy for a mom to lose her identity as a woman, as a separate person from the role of mother, wife, homemaker and all of the other hats we wear. However, it's truly important that we do have something all our own. Our kids won't be young forever and when they grow up, we need to have something we can turn to that fills us and feeds our souls whether that be a hobby, a philanthropy or a career. And it's important to have those things while our kids are young too. We don't have an endless supply of energy and a bottomless well of ourselves from which we can hand out pieces day after day without having a negative effect on our own well-being. As a mother, it's easy to feel selfish in a negative way about spending time on ourselves and while I feel that it's important that there be balance, I also truly feel that it IS important that we be selfish sometimes. Selfish isn't an alltogether bad word! Selfish can mean making time to exercise, drink enough water, take our vitamins, take a shower and sit in silence for a few moments. It can mean having a hobby that makes you happy, talking to a friend on the phone, getting a massage or going out with the girls for an evening. Everyone gets filled up in different ways and it's important for each of us to figure out what does the trick in the most efficient and complete way for us.

For me, yoga is a huge part of filling up my reserves. I've been practicing to some degree for over 10 years but more seriously for about 5 or 6 years. Since the twins were born, I've been practicing at a studio once a week nearly every week and if I have to miss a week, I really notice it in my body and in my mind and spirit. It makes a big difference for me. I've always wanted to be a yoga teacher and knew that it would be in my life some day and it showed up for me one day this fall. I got a call from my sister saying that she was going to be starting her teacher training in November. We've often talked about doing our training together and by a few hours after our phonecall, I was having a conversation with Tim and I called to register the following day. Hooray! It was a long month of waiting for the classes to begin but we've now done 2 weeks of classes and I love it. Yoga teacher training at the studio where we're doing it (which will result in a Registered Yoga Teacher certification qualifying us to teach pretty much anywhere) is pretty much like going back to school. There are 230 hours minimum of study time required which is split up between Technical Sessions, Classroom time, required reading, presentations, mentorship, homework, Karma Yoga our own practice and more. It's really thorough and I'm starting to figure out how this is all going to fit into my already full schedule. But, I'm experiencing something that I never experienced in all my years of school: I WANT to do the work. I WANT to learn not only what we're being taught but more. My stack of 5 required books has at least doubled as one topic leads me to another and another. Things that make my head swim in class come together at home as I delve deeper and deeper in my desire to fully understand everything to the greatest extent that I can. It's opening my eyes to this way of learning that in the homeschool community is termed "unschooling" whereby the student follows their own interests but I'm also learning that following these paths aren't inherent to everyone and it's something I need to coach my kids on. I want them to be on fire for learning as much as I am right now. It's so exciting and there just aren't enough hours in the day for me to take in all that I want to know so I have to pace myself.

This feels good. It feels right and it's so nice to have something that's all for me not only now, but in the future. It gives me earning potential, flexibility and so very much more. When you find the path you're supposed to be on, one that really feeds you, it's just right.

May we all find our paths and may our cups overflow as we strive for balance and happiness in our lives!

Halloween 2010

Here are the boys at Halloween! M was a Ninja, G was a Secret agent and the twins were sheep (mommy was Little Bo Peep even though there is no photographic evidence)

November Catch-ups

I can't believe how fast this fall has been going! We've had a lovely one so far.

We went apple picking

We went to the Rennaissance Festival


We went to the Corn Maze


We went camping


We had our 10th annual pumpkin carving party


We had our homeschool Halloween Party (more Halloween Pictures to come)


We had dentist visits (the first for the twins)


And we had our homeschool Thanksgiving Dinner.


Whew!

Jeanne

I just found out that one of my midwives, Jeanne Bazille, has breast cancer. It makes me so sad. She's such a wonderful woman and has helped so many families and babies. Her prognosis and attitude are good but cancer is cancer. One of the most uplifting things that can come out of something like this is that you get to see how many people that person has touched and for Jeanne, it's a lot. Whether she has attended a birth or mentored another midwife, helped write the MN Homebirth laws or spoke on panel discussions about homebirth, she's touched, helped and advocated for thousands of women whether they know it or not. She's truly amazing and such an inspiration.

I haven't seen her since 6 weeks after my twins were born when I tearfully attended my last post-partum appointment. And yet I have such deep love for her in my heart for the road that we walked together. She never batted an eyelash when I told her that I was having twins. Her support of me and my birth was strong from day one and her attendance and help at our birth was amazing. I love her dearly and I pray for all the best for her during her treatment and recovery.

You Never Know

I had an interesting (read nasty) interaction yesterday with a woman at the library. Let me start by saying that yesterday was a rough day. I had just come home from being gone all weekend and the babes were really needy. I did my best but sometimes they just need to whine to the one with whom they're most comfortable...mom. Anyway, that was our morning, naptime was all of an hour long and we finally ended up at the library in the afternoon which is where we'd be trying to get all day. The twins love the library. They love playing with the puzzles, following the big boys around as they hunt for books, visiting with other people their size and sometimes they love hearing the echo of their own screaming voice. Yesterday, the last "love" was the major activity. Most of it was exuberance or at least not a temper tantrum but yes, they were loud-ish. Okay, loud. I was doing fairly well re-directing them and keeping them busy while guiding the older boys in finding the books that they needed for their week of studies. We finally got all of our books and went to check them out which is their biggest of the library loves. They each get a stool and take turns putting a book in and it's pure toddler heaven...except for yesterday. Nothing was going right for S in his world and so just about everything was setting him off. We finally got into a good check-out rhythm when he fell off of the stool. At this point, a librarian came over and offered to help. Now the majority (not all but truly the majority) of librarian experiences in our county have involved guilt, scowls and irritability. So the fact that this one came over and asked if she could help me with a look of pure pity in her eye told me just exactly how this whole escapade looked to the outsider.

We finally got all of the books checked out, bagged up and all children accounted for. S insisted on being carried and since M and G each had their noses firmly planted in their books, I was on my own for carrying both the fussy toddler and the large bag of books. We got about halfway to the car when we were passed by a woman who was probably in her 50s. Just as she passed us, she takes the opportunity in the break of fussing to mutter something deragatory my way. Now, I've had an entire day of this stuff and I'm pretty much on my last nerve. I was pretty proud of myself that I had been able to maintain my patience so well to this point but when I heard her, I just incredulously said "Whatever!" right out loud. When I'm irritated at someone, I don't bother to mutter unintelligibly. Let's get it out there, shall we? So she gives a huff and proceeds to her car and we make it to our car and as she's pulling out, she stops to flip me off. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I may or may not have at this point screamed a profanity at her which may or may not have been heard by the entire parking lot of the library not to mention my own offspring. I'm not really sure though, it's a bit fuzzy; one of those out-of-body (and mind) experiences that we have from time-to-time.

After that grand showcase of parental self-control, I got into my car and called Tim to talk me down with the caveat that he MUST NOT try to solve this, utter anything other than comments which clearly showed he was on my side against this crazy woman nor should he give even the slightest sign that he was judging or condemning me in any way for my behavior. After the ground rules were firmly in place, I started crying. Man was I mad! Of course the kids were concerned and I had to explain that I was very angry and sad but I was okay and it's just not how you want to show up in front of your kids but it also shows that we're all too human and that's important for them to see sometimes too.

Here's what I don't get about the entire thing though: why judge? She had no idea what kind of a day I had been having nor what kind of patience I had exhibited. She has no idea who I am or what kind of a parent I am or anything about me other than the unfortunate fact that I probably would have severely kicked her ass at that point in time if given half the chance. But this is something we see and do to each other all the time. We see a mom scolding her kids and we're so quick to condemn her as a "bad" mom not even stopping to consider what is happening in her world at this moment. We see a dad yelling at his kids and we assume that he's a jerk who doesn't really care about his kids, he happens to be stuck "babysitting" them right now until mom gets home. I think it's really unfortunate that instead of judging and making up stories about other parents, that our first reaction isn't one of compassion and empathy for the entire situation. The truth is that we have no clue who those parents are and yes, they could be really bad parents or they could be really, really great parents just having a rough day and we happen to be witnessing their dark moment. The rest of the truth is that we've all been there. It may not have been in public but we've all been there so we know what that feels like.

I learned a lot from this experience but one thing I know I will take forward with me is to strive to have compassion for other parents who may be having a rough day. Until we walk a mile in their shoes, we have no idea what's going on in their world and they deserve nothing less than our compassion and understanding. And neither do I.

Here is my goodie stash from the yarn festival. It was kind of overwhelming to see all of that yarn and all of that fiber in one spot but Andrea and I managed :). We've had a great time and we're resting up before heading off to the party tonight. Great mama weekend away!

Look Mom!

We've been having a lot of "look mom" or "watch this" from the twins lately. Here was C's this morning. "Look mom, 2 fuh-fuhs (pacifiers)!

Cute.

Twins

Um, has anyone seen my babies? Because there are these 2 little boys here and they're hardly recognizable as babies anymore. Where has the time gone?

For the fashion update, the photo really doesn't do this justice. They were wearing coururoy overalls, one red with a royal blue shirt, one royal blue with a red shirt. Sometimes dressing twins is so much darn fun!

SMM

We decided to celebrate the first day of school...for everyone else...by heading to the Science Museum where we would be able to explore the exhibits and wander the halls by ourselves. It was wonderful.

The big boys took in the Omni Theatre movie about Arabia which led to a very interesting conversation about terrorism, perceptions, racism, a brief history of Afghanistan, and intolerance over lunch. I adore it that my kids think that all of these things are just ridiculous and wonder why anyone would hate someone for what they believe or the color of their skin. I really love that.

Everyone had a great time playing with the ping-pong balls and experimenting with air pressure. This is always one of our favorite exhibits and it never seems to get old.