Twins's 2nd birthday party

Here are a few photos from our family party that we had for the Twins yesterday. It was, of course, truck themed!

Here's S digging into his cupcake. He did quite a number on the copious amount of frosting!

While C was more interested in the truck atop the cupcake at first, he got into it eventually!

Happy Birthday to you....

Massive cupcakes courtesy of Costo. We added the trucks ourselves. They were a big hit!

They each got a balloon bouquet complete with a truck balloon. They loved them, especially C!

Twin Birth Story Part 1

In honor of my Twins' birthday today, I'm posting my birth story. I love my birth story. It is long and so I've split it up into 5 smaller parts. Happy Birthday my babies!

For 5 ½ long years my husband and I had the same conversation: should we have another baby or not? I was firmly on the “yes” side and he was firmly on the “no” side. It seemed we were at an impasse. I had decided that if we couldn’t come to an agreement by May of 2007, I’d let it go and be at peace with it. One day, around Christmas 2006, Tim came into my office early one morning and asked me, “so when does the Chinese Conception Chart say that we’d need to conceive to have a girl?” I consulted it, feeling some pressure, and came up with a month. And then he said, “Okay.” I couldn’t believe it. I started shaking and crying and laughing all at the same time. It was a moment I honestly never thought would come and I will never forget that feeling. I knew what a huge sacrifice this was for him and I also knew that once he said that little word, he was on board. He’s not the type of guy to go half way so “Okay” meant more than just “we can have a baby.” It meant that he was in it all the way. He’s a great dad so I knew already what that would look like and I was amazed and so, so happy.

Having made that decision, I had some serious thinking and planning to do. I knew that this would be my last pregnancy and birth. I’d had 2 natural hospital deliveries before and they were fine. That’s about it. Just, fine. Nothing earth-shattering neither on the good nor bad side and, as I would come to find out through my research, I was pretty lucky. I decided that what was most important to me was to have a water birth. Water calms me. When I don’t feel well, I take a bath. When I want to relax, I take a bath. On a hot summer day when I want to cool down, there’s nothing better than slipping into a cool swimming pool. Yep, a water birth was going to be right for me. There are 2 hospitals that do water births in the Twin Cities. I chose one and as I researched it more, I realized that they only had one or two tubs and if you don’t fit into their specific parameters or if they’re taken, you’re out of luck. This was my last birth. I wasn’t getting another chance at this and I’d be damned if another laboring mother was going to take that experience away from me! So I decided on a home waterbirth. This was January.

Twin Birth Story Part 2

After deciding on my birth location and ambiance, I started reading. I read Ina May Gaskin, I read Peggy O’Mara, I read every book on natural birth I could get my hands on and it all felt so right. Yes, this was the experience I was looking for. I started researching homebirth midwives and I somehow had the self control not to call any of them at this point because I wasn’t yet pregnant. My IUD was still firmly in place, so we had a little time. We were taking a trip to Costa Rica with my family and I had decided that I didn’t want to be pregnant for that trip so we decided to wait until we returned home and we did. About 2 days after we returned home, I had my IUD removed and it all took off from there. I’m very, very blessed to be highly fertile. My husband teases me that if I walk by a men’s bathroom, I get pregnant. But, we wanted to be a little careful. We were, after all, trying to conceive a girl here. We had 2 wonderful boys and thought that it would be fun to at least try for a girl. You know, to have a different experience this time around. I got pregnant right away and I knew it. I took 3 pregnancy tests. 2 were too early and the 3rd malfunctioned but I knew I was pregnant. I could feel the change in my body and in my spirit. I knew another life had joined me and I didn’t need a test to confirm it. I started calling midwives.

I called several and interviewed 3 before choosing the first person I talked with. Jeanne was just right for me and I knew it from the start. She’s the perfect mix of nurturing and no nonsense that really fits my personality and as it turned out, she was exactly who I needed. I was lucky to not be too sick during my first trimester. I only had about 2-3 weeks of a really yucky tummy that kept me on the couch but at 9 weeks pregnant, we headed to Disney World and on a Disney cruise and luckily, my stomach cooperated and so did the seas which were very, very calm – thank goodness! We returned from our trip in the middle of our kitchen remodel and moved in with my in-laws for a couple of weeks. Truly, I was so blessed to not be down and out during this time because it could have been just awful but it was bearable and I was able to do all that I needed to do…between naps. My biggest complaints from that first trimester were that I was so constipated and bloated that I really felt big already. So much so that I just caved and went into maternity clothes at 9 weeks and it felt so much better not to have any pressure on my bloated belly! Well, that’s when all of the talk started. First, at Disney, we kept seeing twins everywhere. My mother-in-law kept pointing it out because it really was eerie just how many sets of twins we kept seeing. I ignored it. Then my mom started in when I started showing so quickly. I wrote it off to being my 3rd baby and kept insisting that I really was just bloated…but I was big. When I started to feel movement and it was everywhere, I wrote it off to a very active baby. I finally had my first appointment with Jeanne at about 18 weeks and she even said that I was big but didn’t measure too far off and she only felt and heard one baby but left me with the comment that twins usually present themselves by about 28 weeks so we’ll just see. And we did.

Twin Birth Story Part 3

We had already decided that we wanted to have an ultrasound. Tim really wanted to find out the sex of the baby and I didn’t have any objections. So very spryly one August morning, I bopped in for my ultrasound. I teasingly told the technician that we want to know if it’s healthy, of course, but we want to know how many and the sex. I just wanted to shut everyone up once and for all and have her tell me that my little girl was doing just fine. Well, it took her all of 30 seconds to say…”well, there are at least 2 in there and this one’s a boy aaaaaand, that one’s a boy.” What???? I broke down into fits of laughter. I couldn’t believe it. Twin boys. OH MY GOSH! Tim was silent. As silent as I’ve ever seen my husband. He finally looked at me and said “Do we have to move?” I assured him that no, we didn’t but he was still in shock and already in the mode of taking care of his rapidly growing family. It was at that moment that my sister came in. She’d been running a little late and had missed the big reveal. When we told her, she burst out laughing. That was pretty much the reaction we got from people all day as we made phone call after phone call letting everyone know our big news. I had my best friends accuse me of lying to them and so many people laughed and there were a few who were just silent as it sunk in. That was great fun.

It took a few days for the shock to wear off. Tim and I quickly named the babes and it really helped me to begin to know them as 2 little beings inside me. It was amazing. I spent hours staring at my ultrasound pictures still wondering at the fact that there were 2 of them in there and they were mine. I was going to have 2 babies. There was so much that I couldn’t comprehend or wrap my brain around. How do I nurse 2? Can I wear 2? Can I still cloth diaper them? Can I still homeschool? How is this going to change my family? What did I get us into? And through all of the questions and doubts and fears, there was pure joy and excitement. I was so grateful to be able to experience this. It was a pregnancy that I never thought I’d have and now I was getting 2 babies for the price of one. I was so blessed. My family was amazing. The boys were incredibly helpful and excited. We set aside school for the most part and prepared for the arrival of our babies. We cooked and organized and I rested and chose my activities carefully. I had pains that I had never had with the first two and some of them were bad enough to immobilize me at times but still, I was grateful. I talked to each baby and got to know each one of them by their movements. I had fun obsessing over whose little foot was this and whose hand was that. I was in heaven. I was huge. It was perfect.

Twin Birth Story Part 4

Then, at 36 weeks 1 day, I woke up to a new sensation. My water had broke. I’d never experienced that before either so I wasn’t quite sure what it was and I certainly wasn’t planning to fall in to the stereotypical statistic that all twins are born at 36 weeks! I wanted to go to at least 38 weeks so this was not in the plan. Jeanne agreed. I laid down and hung out for a few hours but there was no mistaking it, my water had indeed broken but there were no contractions. The birthing tub came, I visited my chiropractor and my family gathered around me and still no contractions. I was taking all of the recommended precautions because I did have a ruptured bag of waters: I stayed home except for the trip to the chiropractor (I didn’t use her bathroom) and to Jeanne’s, I changed pads very often, I took vitamin C regularly and took my temperature hourly. All this to ward off and check for potential infections but I had no problems. I visited with Jeanne, Jane and Sarah, my midwife team, and we decided that if there was still nothing on Thursday, I would take some homeopathics to give it all a boost. So on Thanksgiving morning, I woke up and started with the homeopathics. Nothing. Finally, after dinner and in the middle of Grey’s Anatomy and while Tim was fixing a blocked sink and a broken t.v., something. And then another something and then boom! I was in full blown labor. I had read that labor with twins is fast and furious and that certainly described mine right from the start.

We called in everyone who would be present at the birth and although we were planning to wait a bit to call the midwives, I decided rather quickly that it was time for them to come. And they came. Sarah busied herself in the kitchen putting together herb packets, teas and other good things and the second Jeanne arrived, I got into the tub. Oh my goodness did that feel good. The next few hours were a blur of one contraction after another. I had back labor so I needed someone applying counter pressure to my back with every contraction – I wasn’t the only one working hard! And then, it was time to push. There was something so freeing and so natural and primal about being able to labor and push in the water and in the positions that felt right in each moment. I didn’t even think about it, I just moved and it was always the right thing and it always brought my baby closer to the moment he was born. S was the first one born. I needed to push and I had to get over my fear of tearing in order to do it. At some point, I just pushed through the fear and the pain and in one push, he was out and in the water in front of me. We were all so surprised! Jeanne and I scooped him up and I held him to me. He was so tiny and I just couldn’t believe that he was here. And very quickly the reality of having to do it again sank in. I was exhausted. I got out of the tub and laid on the couch to nurse my new baby. He was perfect. I laid there for an hour nursing him and someone gave me some honey to boost my energy and someone else made me drink water because I was getting dehydrated and I was just in heaven with my baby. M was awoken and he came down to meet his new brother and then he stayed and helped coach me through my second labor. He was amazing.

Twin Birth Story Part 5

The contractions started back up again and at some point, I knew I had to hand him over and get back to work. I labored for another hour and pushed for another hour and to say that those were the hardest 2 hours of my life would not be an exaggeration. I was so tired and it hurt so much as this second one came down with his head right in my back again so I again needed the counter pressure. As I rode the wave of each contraction and my support team could see that I needed extra energy, they counted in unison. I felt hands on me and energy pouring through those hands and into my body. I felt so loved, so supported and so safe. I knew that I could do this. I knew that my body was made for this and that I was capable and strong. I could birth this baby. I remember saying over and over and over again, “I am strong, I am capable.” There’s nothing like a good ol’ pep talk to get you through! This baby was up high and he was taking his time getting down. I was in the water and then out of the water and on the birthing stool and the midwives were concerned that my tear from Seamus was pretty bad and they didn’t want me to tear more so suggested I deliver laying down. That was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I couldn’t do it. It was unbearable and I don’t know how I ever delivered my first two lying on my back. Finally, Tim spoke up and said “Let her get back into the water.” I did and he came. He came slowly. I kept checking myself between each push to make sure I was making progress and again, I marveled at how in control of my birth I was. One push before his head came out, my water broke and then out came his head, I felt him turn and then his shoulder came and then, finally, the rest of him slipped out of my body. Cedric was here. He was just as exhausted as I was and he was huge! No wonder it took him so long to make his appearance!

He needed some perking up so Jeanne took him and gave him some oxygen, had daddy talk to him and massaged him. It took a long time but he started to perk up and I finally got to hold him and nurse him. He was so beautiful with big, chubby cheeks and full lips. Wow! I had just given birth to twins in my living room. Incredible.

Some people left and others stayed. Because C was having a bit of trouble, Jeanne and Jane stayed and we all slept a bit. After a few hours, we all perked up and got to do the fun part of weighing and checking out the precious babes. S weighed in at 6lbs 4 oz and C at 8 lbs. Not bad for 3 ½ weeks early! C still wasn’t perking up as well as he could be and because he was so sleepy, he wasn’t interested in nursing. We all made the decision together that we should take him up to Children’s Hospital to make sure he was okay. We all knew instinctively that there wasn’t anything major or life-threatening, but he clearly needed a little help so we took him in. In the end, his glucose was low so they gave him some and he perked up immediately. He did so well that we only stayed one night instead of the normal minimum of two. It was an interesting experience to have had a homebirth and then to go into the hospital. It was nature and medicine working together the way it should be. Our midwives helped advocate for us and the medical staff was respectful. We all met in the middle and it was a good experience. The next day, we headed home and back to bed. I spent a full 2 weeks in bed with my babies and it was just perfect. We had so much wonderful bonding time as a family and I just kept thinking that this is how it’s supposed to be. This is what every woman should feel like after giving birth. I was so empowered. I felt strong, supported, safe and loved and most of all, like I had earned my right to be called mother. I had claimed my right and it was such a powerful feeling.

I am immensely blessed in my life and I am so grateful to have had such an incredible birth experience. It’s something that has affected me deeply and changed me forever. There is nothing I can’t do. I’ve been to the depths of my fear and doubt and I have overcome them and emerged stronger and more powerful than I could have ever imagined. I am so blessed.

Independence

When did we start to believe in America that it's so important that our children be independent? What are we so afraid of? Are we afraid that they'll live with us forever and never amount to anything if we don't make them "independent?" In an effort to begin this journey towards "independence", we start pushing our children away from the very second they are born. They slip out of our bodies and are taken away from us to be "checked out". Artificial lights replace the warmth of mother's arms. Gloved hands rub and touch this new skin instead of mother's loving touch. We actually have to request that they not be whisked away. Does this strike anyone as odd? Imagine being that little baby, just birthing into this world with bright lights shining in your eyes, cold air filling your lungs and no longer hearing that comforting sound of your mother's heartbeat. Suddenly, you're separated from her. That must be really scary and stressful for such a fresh little being. Anyway, it goes on from there. We bring our babies home and put them into a crib, by themselves in a room, by themselves and we expect that they should start "sleeping through the night" as soon as possible and if they don't, we leave them to cry, alone. And in doing that, we are somehow training them to be independent.

What if we have it all wrong? What if true independence comes from knowing that you can count on your parents to give you everything you need, when you need it, every time? What if knowing that you can count on your parents allows you to explore your world on your terms because you know that you have a strong foundation to which you can return when you need it? What if no one pushed you out into the world to do things before you were ready but let you come to it in your own time and in your own way and you didn't have to feel the stress and the disconnect of being in a situation that you're not ready for but history has taught you that you don't have any other choice?

What if we have it all wrong?

For thousands of years, children have been birthed into their mother's arms, been brought to the breast and stayed there in this warm, loving and familiar environment for as long as they needed it. They've slept next to their mothers and could count on getting just what they needed day and night because their mothers were right there to give it to them. When they decided to venture out on their own, they knew that they had their mother to come back to when they were done. Have all of these children been so-called spoiled and overly dependent? I don't think so. There is a lot to be said about the relationship of a strong attachment between parents, especially mothers, with their children and independence. The former leads to the latter. For some children, they need that reassurance of mom longer than others but this doesn't mean that they are overly dependent rather that they are high needs children. Many children are high needs. I have 2 of them. All that means is that they need, actually need, more physical and emotional attention than some other kids. They may need to be held more, need to be by mom more, need some special routines and that's all okay.

For us, that has looked like having a child sleep on our floor off and on for years because some nights, he just needs some extra momma time and yes, simply being in the room with me counts for him. It has looked like me making very good use of slings and carriers because my babies want to be held and are happy when they are held. It looks like lots of cuddles, snuggles, reading time and together time and while there are times that I need a break, as every mother does, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm amazed at some of the things my kids will do and how independent they are. I love watching them run off to play and come back every now and then for a cuddle, kiss or a check-in. I've learned to recognize that as them checking in and making sure that I'm still right there. Once they know that, they're off to play again knowing that if they need me, I'm here.

Of course my journey doesn't look like yours. Mine doesn't look like anyone else's and there definitely needs to be a balance between what your child needs and what the parent needs or it's all for naught. If that balance is missing, someone's not going to be happy and healthy and it's often the mama who gives too much. Finding that balance is key but we must be careful. Being away makes it easier to be away and harder to come back. Balance. We must find the things that fill us up most efficiently and put our energy there when we need to be filled up. Our kids are young for such a short time and while it may seem interminable some days, it's gone in a heartbeat. Balance.

In the end, I want my kids to know that I'm here for them in the way that they need me to be there for them because I know that it will result in well-adjusted and independent kids and afterall, that's the pre-requisite American goal, right? I'm not knocking it. We all want our kids to be well-adjusted and successful in whatever way that means for them. I want my kids to be happy and I know that I'm not alone in that. I simply believe that there is so much time for our kids to be out there in the world being "independent". Why not start them off by giving them a strong foundation of trust to which they can return their entire lives? While they start out by needing that foundation to be built on you, they end up knowing that it's them. They trust themselves. They've learned and explored and they know what's important to them and what kind of people they are at their core. That's what they can come back to and what if that foundation starts not by being pushed out of the nest, but by being pulled in? What if?

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Well we've had quite the week around here. First off, C is not only on still on the potty training path, I'm almost getting bold enough to state that he is indeed potty trained. I don't know why the potty gods decided to smile down on me but I am eternally grateful and will remember not to curse them when potty training S...whenever that happens. It's been 2 weeks exactly since my little man sat up in bed and announced that he had to go potty. That was his last day of diapers. The past 4 days have seen not a single accident AND he either tells me when he has to go or he answers me honestly when I ask him if he has to go AND yes, he's pooping like a pro on the potty. I get it that for those who have no kids, this is T.M.I. Tough. It's a huge thing for the mama so yes, I wrote about poop:).

On the flip side, night weaning has not been going well. In fact, it's been sheer disaster over the past week. Not only were we back to 5-6 hours of nursing straight, he would scream. SCREAM when I would take him off or dare to tell him that "mimi's are nigh-nigh". But, in true C style, a great story has come out of it:

He awoke one night this week asking for mimi's. I explained that "mimi's are nigh-nigh." It didn't go over well. Cue screaming. Ultimately, Tim came in and rocked him a bit to settle him down and then he hands him back and goes back to bed. Start over. Actually, Tim calming him did make it so that I could at least talk with him a bit so it definitely helped. So we went through everyone and everything we could think of "Dadda's sleepin', Ba's sleepin', Bippy's sleepin'....tractors are sleepin....elephants are sleepin'..." you get the point. I lay him back down to go to sleep as he is now calm. I'm settling in to go back to sleep myself when I feel him lean over, right into my ear and whisper "mimi's , mimis!" It was his own little subliminal message system. It was downright hilarious. Man this kid has quite the personality!

Okay, so it went on from there but not in the endearing way that I just mentioned. It involved much more screaming and then some. Thursday night, he woke up at 1:30. At the meer mention that "mimi's are nigh-nigh" he flipped out. I mean FLIPPED OUT! He screamed the likes of which I have not heard from this child. It was other-worldly in nature. I tried in vain to comfort him but he was in the throws of a full-blown temper tantrum and there was no going back. Tim came in and again tried to help. He was holding him and rocking when he...vomited. Yep, all over himself and daddy. He was so upset, poor thing. After getting him cleaned up, pottied and calmed down, I was able to get him back to sleep and yes, I believe I nursed him. He'd been through enough and so had I! That was definitely our low point.

I started wondering if this wasn't happening because of the potty training. It's so common for kids to "regress" in one area when they're working on conquering another area which is also why kids who have slept through the night or at least very well since they were mere weeks old, will stop doing that around 5-6 months. They're working on very exciting things like sitting, crawling, walking, running and so much more. It settles down again around 14-15 months once they have mastered those things. So it is with night weaning and potty training apparently. They don't go hand-in-hand.

I am happy to say, however, that we haven't had a repeat of Thursday night. Friday night was a little better...in that there was no vomiting and the robustness of the screaming was less intense but it was there, nonetheless. After me rocking and reasoning for over an hour, Tim came and brought him downstairs until he fell asleep again. It was still rough. Last night, however was quite good. I seem to remember him waking up around 1:30 but being that I was exhausted fromt he events of the previous 2 nights, I couldn't move to do anything or say anything and it turned out to be the right thing. He cuddled up and settled right back down. Then, he woke up at 5:30, nursed a bit and went back to sleep until 7:30 when he woke up with sunshine in his eyes and exclaimed that he had to go potty! Please, let us be over the hump!

Anyway, that's been our week and it's been a good lesson in remembering that when we're learning new things, other things slide for a bit. I know that's true for me. I like to become fully emersed in a new thing be it researching something, planning something, or learning something new. What slides for me are things like laundry and cleaning and sometimes cooking too. How I managed to land me such a reasonable husband, I'll never know. While I know he doesn't like it, and when it gets too out of control he tells me, he's hanging in there with me - the mark of a good man!

Ooops. We just broke the no accident streak. Darn blog jinx!

Seriously?

C woke up yesterday morning, nursed, sat up and said "Mommy, uckies." I said, "you have uckies?" "Yeah." Okay, we get out of bed, go into the bathroom, take off the diaper, no poop. I ask him if he wants to go on the toilet..."yeah" is the response. So we go into the other bathroom. sit on the potty chair and he goes. And goes. And goes. Wow. So it went on from there. By the end of the day, he had spent most of the day in underwear with just little dribbles for accidents but did most of his peeing in the toilet. Daddy convinced him to put on a diaper to go play outside for which I was especially grateful. Fast forward to this morning. Same scenario except that he actually woke up dry AND refused to put his jammies back on after his morning potty. Luckily, he had insisted on having his Thomas underwear on over his nighttime diaper so we were ready to go.

Okay, I know that I should be ecstatic about all of this and it is quite exciting and I'm very proud of him but I'm also filled with trepidation at the thought of beginning this process with a 23 month old. I hadn't envisioned this happening for about another year and wasn't even looking forward to that since I've done this twice before and it really wasn't fun. However, when they are showing clear signs and capabilities, you go with it, right? Well, we'll see.

In other news, S wants in on the game too. He insisted on having Bob the Builder underwear on OVER his pajamas last night. It's quite a sight. You can only get away with that stuff when you're 2. He's far from ready to be potty trained but he likes to play the "sit on the pot" game so we go with that.

So, we're in a pattern of seeing where this all goes. I'm certainly not going to pin my hopes and dreams on having a 2 year old who is potty trained. I've heard of such miracles taking place - usually with girls but have heard tales about it happening with a boy here and there as well - but have never seen them in my house. I'm trying to remain open and just see what happens but if the potty gods were to smile upon me, I'd really be grateful :).