Questions

I've learned a few things over the past 10 years of motherhood. Among these things is a list of questions that mothers just shouldn't ask if they want to keep their sanity:

Why did you do that?
Why didn't you do that?
What happened (asked to at least 2 children at the same time. If you do dare to ask this question, be sure you have a hot beverage in your hand because you'll be able to sit and sip it while trying to decipher "what happened")
Who did this?
Where did you put that?
What was that noise? (the answer is always "nothing")
Why can I find it in 3 seconds while you couldn't find it in 10 minutes of "searching"?
What have you been doing? (asked in the context of such things as: while they were supposed to be cleaning their room, tidying the kitchen, doing math, etc.)
What are you doing?
When is the last time you:
- changed your underwear
- showered
- brushed your teeth
- brushed your hair
- wore a different shirt
- wore different pants
CAUTION: if they pause and look blankly into space while trying to remember the last time they did these things, it's been too long. Just send them up to the shower with implicit instructions to throw every item of clothing currently on their bodies down the laundry chute, wash their hair, brush their teeth, brush their hair and use soap on their bodies - not necessarily in that order. You may want to make a list but even if you do that, there's a very good chance that they won't do it all anyway. 50% is a good result and you should be happy with this.
Whose socks are these? (they multiply like bunnies, I swear)
You've just spilled yet another glass of (insert beverage here), what do you think you should do about that?
Why do we have to have this conversation every single day? (this could pertain to just about anything. Especially the above list about changing clothing items and persoanal hygiene)
You KNOW you have to clean the table and floor as part of doing the kitchen, why must we have this conversation every single day?
Haven't we had this conversation before?
What did you say?

Okay, I could clearly go on. I think as a general rule it's best to not ask open-ended questions to which you already know or don't want the answer. It keeps us in nice oblivion or at least in the illusion of it (we always know what's really going on) and keeps the kids from having to step in it even more than they already have. It's just for the best.

And now, I will put on my rose-colored glasses and attack my day while doing my best not to ask any questions. Happy Monday!