G's New Belt

Our G-man undertook and accomplished an incredible challenge this summer from his MMA (Mixed Martial Arts) instructor: No Treats, No Screens, 3 months. Yep, No Treats, No Screens, 3 months. From June 1 through August 31, he had no sweets, no video games, no t.v., no computer. He and a friend were 2 of only 4 kids who actually made it until the end. We did make some reasonable exceptions which were allowed: he got ice cream on his birthday and we did a couple of family movie nights. If he went to a party, he got to partake in the treats a bit but it removed all of it from our daily lives and let me tell you it was WONDERFUL! Mom and dad experienced zero questions about "can I have a treat; can I watch a show; can I play some video games?" None of it. It was heavenly. So heavenly, in fact, that we wanted to maintain that level of peace even when the challenge was done. So, we went to the boys and told them our thoughts: this has been a really nice summer of non-nagging and we'd like to keep it that way as much as possible. What can we do? They listed all of their options and ended up with the following family guidelines:

Treats sometimes on the weekends and on special occasions. That's it.
They can watch one show a day but only after all of their responsibilities are taken care of (i.e., school and chores).
Video/Computer games only on weekends and only 1 hour per weekend day.

Truly, these were the parameters that they came up with. I led the conversation but mostly as a note-taker with a couple of small inputs here and there but they really did a good job of placing parameters around all of it. Way to go boys!

Above are some pictures of the belt ceremony (the reward from the MMA instructor was that they got advance an entire belt for completing the challenge) and of the massive desserts that they got to partake in afterward. It's good to be king!

Tim and I are obviously extremely proud of him but nothing that we feel or convey could possibly top the way that he feels about himself. It was awesome to see the look of self-pride on his face when he reached the end. It was the kind of things that parents dream of for their kids: a sense of accomplishment and pride in themselves for something that they did. Awesome.

As parents, we want our kids to feel good about themselves and so we do things like praise the heck out of them but I'm starting to wonder if we're just a praise-happy society and what effect all of that actually has on our kids. If we're always praising them and telling them what a good job they're doing, will they truly be able to internalize that for themselves or will they always seek validation from outside? It probably has something to do with personality in part but I've been doing a fair bit of reading on this subject lately and I have to agree that we're trending toward creating praise-junkies who are constantly doing things for the praise that they may receive instead of for the self satisfaction of a job or effort well done. So, I've been trying to break myself of saying "Good Job" 500 times a day. It's really hard to do and because it's hard to do, I know that I've been saying it too much. Now, I'm not saying that I no longer recognize my children's accomplishments because I do believe that they need parental validation and someone to celebrate with them but I'm trying to use phrases that help them focus on what they accomplished instead of just receiving praise. Things such as describing what they just did, celebrating with them when they do something, celebrating the effort no matter what the outcome. Seeing the look on my G-man's face when he completed his challenge really validated for me what I want for my kids: I want them to know for themselves how incredible they are and not have to always hear it from the outside to believe it. Isn't that what we all want?

I love you my G-man and I'm so proud of you but no moreso than you are of yourself...just like it should be.