Thursday, June 18, 2009

The lessons of Impermanence

I was at a funeral last week and my Great Aunt read a beautiful excerpt from a book. The excerpt was all about impermanence in life and how it's important to recognize everything as impermanent whether it's "good" or "bad" because that's what life is about. Impermanence is also a Buddhist teaching and goes along with non-attachment. Buddhism teach that attachment is where a lot of our suffering comes from and in pondering that thought, I have to say that I agree. So, I've been thinking a lot about impermanence over the past week as it pertains to children.

There's nothing permanent about children. Everything changes in a heartbeat. Sometimes I find myself being grateful for the impermanence and sometimes sorrowful. Here's my short list:

Toddler Screaming - grateful
Toddler Laughs - sorrowful
Pre-adolescent sass - grateful
Pre-adolescent hugs and still wanting to spend time with mom and be tucked in - sorrowful
Feeling like this is really hard right now - grateful
Feeling like this is going by way too fast - sorrowful


Most of the time, however, I've found that it's all mixed up and that things aren't so cut and dried as to be "I love this part and I hate that part". It's called motherhood. I hear the noise the kids make and sometimes it can be deafening but then I know that someday my house will be quiet and I will realize that I no longer have babies to run around and make noise or little boys who are arguing over who claimed which Bionicle first and I know I will miss that. The sheer scope of taking out 4 children can sometimes challenge any logistical specialist but someday I will gaze wistfully at another mom lugging her 4 kids around the grocery store and whisper to her that I've been there and yes, she will survive it too. And on days when the laundry is piled to the ceiling begging to be folded and no horizontal surfaces are recognizable, I remember that someday, my kids will be grown and there will be time for cleaning then.

All of these things just make me grateful for each and every moment that I have. I am grateful to be alive each and every day. Grateful to see my children and to be able to raise them and be a part of their everyday lives. I'm grateful for all of the lessons I can learn when things are hard and for the deep breaths I can take when things are moving along nicely for a moment. To steal a line from an unknown source (and probably butcher it) "the days last forever and the years go by in a heartbeat." Ain't that the truth! And so as I close my eyes tonight knowing that I will never again live this day, I will be grateful to have lived it and look forward to another day filled with impermanence tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. I totally hear you, sister. I know that I will wake up tomorrow and Lyric will be 16, and this weekend I will be a grandmother. I can't wrap my mind around the "every day is a million years and the years a heartbeat" thing.
    (I also know that my home will only be clean when I can no longer leave it ;-p I have other things to do until then!!!) many blessings on you and yours, christin

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