C's Date with Mom and Dad

For Christmas this year, we gave each of the boys a date with mom and dad. We'll pick activities for the little ones and the older boys get to pick their own...within reason. Today, we had our first date and C was the lucky guy. We went to the Children's Museum and it was so much fun pretending to be the parents of one child...and so easy! Mom was just arm candy as C had eyes only for Daddy whom he pulled around every-which-way and Tim obliged every time. C was in heaven! Here are a few pictures from our adventure.

Fishing.

Water fun

Holidays 2009

M with one of his favorite gifts from this year: Transformers Devastator! It's definitely a boy thing.The way to G's heart is through some Bionicles. He loves them!

If you look carefully and can discern the different shades of white, you can see the fort on the left and the arch on the right. So much fun!

S playing cookie keep away with Grandma Joni. Everyone loves Aunt Suzie's sugar cookies!

C hanging with Papa Wayne eating a sugar cookie. The sugar intake yesterday was most impressive as was the crash that followed. Yikes!

It's not over yet for us but we've had a lot of fun so far. We had about 12 inches of snow from the 23rd through the 25th and on the 24th, it was the good, sticky, good-for-building kind. So...we built a fort and an arch. The arch went over the 14 foot slide in the backyard and then the boys took their ice sleds and went down the slide, through the arch and then through the fort. So cool. The 25th was half rain and half snow so our creations of the previous day were collapsed for the most part and are now frozen but the boys are dreaming of the impending re-build! We did end up having to cancel our trip to my Grandma's house due to the weather but had fun tucking in with my sister and brother-in-law on Christmas Eve followed by a relaxing Christmas Day where we got up, did stockings, had french toast for breakfast and then did gifts after that. Later in the day, we went to Tim's mom's house and celebrated there for a few days. It was lovely.

After a very busy week of baking and preparing, it's been really nice to have some great down-time with the family and we're looking forward to yet another week of it. Love it! We don't plan to get back to school until the 2nd week in January and my rule of thumb is that our decorations have to be down before we go back to school so we'll be working on that next week and then will make our grand entrance back into reality. ((sigh)) Such is life! I do feel truly blessed to have such great flexibility in our schedule. It makes for far less stress, much more time to enjoy and more time to do the things we want to do. Life is good. Above are a few pics from our past few days.

Winter Solstice 2009

Happy Solstice! This is my favorite Holiday I think. Several years ago, we claimed it as our own since we always have several Christmas celebrations to attend and we really wanted something that was ours. Celebrating the natural change of seasons resonates with both Tim and me so we chose the Solstice. We have a little ritual that we do each Solstice Eve where we eat dinner by candlelight, talk about what we're grateful for from the past year and make a wish or set an intention for the coming year. Then, we go outside and set off fireworks! We also do a bunch of crafts including decorating gingerbread (a traditional Solstice food), making a winter mobile with decorations that we make, stringing popcorn and cranberries and decorating a tree outside with that and oranges and birdseed to feed the animals, we go see Holiday lights, read Solstice stories and just tuck in as a family. I love it and I have fun each year coming up with something a little different than last year. Last night, we had apple relay races which were very fun! Today is our crafting day and we're going to decorate cookies, read our stories and do a bunch of crafts as well as go carolling. In the busy-ness of this season, it just feels good to have something that is all our own and is a quiet spot in the middle of the traveling and everything else. I also like the connection to nature and the deep connection to history. People have been honoring and celebrating the Sostice for thousands of years in different ways and in different cultures and beliefs so there's something very primal about honoring something with such a long and varied history. With the world being such a crazy place sometimes and humans making such an impact on everything, there's something very powerful in knowing that the natural order of things remains constant and predictable. It helps to put into perspective the little things that we worry over or give power to. At the end of the day, the Earth keeps spinning, the orbits of the planets keep going and the change of seasons can be marked every 3 months without fail. It's nice to have that to come back to.

Happy Solstice everyone!

Baking and Cooking

Here's a list of things I have baked or cooked in the last week:

Peanut Butter Star Cookies (the boys helped with this)
Lace Cookies
Puppy Chow
Peanut Butter Balls (the boys did most of this)
Spritz Cookies (they suck)
Sugar Cookies for the Festivitrees that we're putting together today
Shortbread drizzled with chocolate
Pretzels drizzeled with chocolate
Pretzels dipped in caramel and then rolled in a bunch of goodness
Toffee (Jen did this, I can't take credit but it was in my kitchen and I watched)
Church Windows
Friendship Soup mixes in a jar (22)
Cornbread Mixes in a jar (22)
Gingerbread (decided to forego the house and burned one pan after accusing Tim of turning off the timer when it was really me but we still have PLENTY)
Hot Cocoa Mix (3 LARGE batches that were bagged up for gifts)
Peppermint Meringues (which browned because the directions said to bake at 300 for an hour which is clearly way too long for that temperature which I discovered after consulting many other recipes after ours browned...grrr)
16, 1/2 pints of Chokecherry Syrup canned (spilled 4, 1/2 pints on the stove when it just erupted over the side of the pan. Tim cleaned it up...what a saint!)
Solstice Wishing Bread
Cocktail Buffalo Meatballs
Cocktail Sausages in BBQ Sauce
Sundried Tomato Pate
Crostini
Sundried Tomato and Roasted Red Pepper Bruschetta
Baked Brie wrapped in Puff Pastry
Double batch of my spaghetti sauce (with 2lbs of pasta - not homemade)
Horseradish-crusted steak roulade stuffed with roasted red peppers and provolone (Jen did the dirty work on this too)

The only thing I have left to do today is to make and can Peach Salsa.

Why all the baking? Well, for the second year in a row my friend Jen and I have made a bunch of goodies which we give to various people in our lives. Everyone loved it last year so we decided to do it again this year. We have a blast figuring out what we're going to make and how we're going to package everything. This year, we cut it tight on time and if my mom hadn't happened to be here and jumped in to help, we would have had to pull at least one all-nighter. Thanks mom! I also had to make some goodies just for our family and Tim's birthday was Friday. He likes Peanut Butter Balls for his birthday in lieu of a cake. I also did a sit-down dinner for 16 on his birthday and Jen came over and helped with that as well. Again, we probably wouldn't have made it if Matt and Angella hadn't shown up early and been willing to jump in and help. Thanks guys!

All-in-all, it was a great week. But I'm done now. I'm ready to relax and enjoy my family and the season with no more big baking or cooking projects...for a few days.

Seasons Eatings!

Card List

It's time to write our Holiday letter and get it ready to send out. I have a vague recollection of reading somewhere that it's traditional to send them out the week between Christmas and New Years and I use that tidbit to at first procrastinate and then one year I finally decided to just make that my own little tradition. Some people like to be the first, we have one family member who always sends it in January or February after the big rush and me, I like to do it in that "in between" week. So today, I started looking at the mailing list. It has stayed much the same for many years but there are always a few additions and a few deletions and a few address changes. This year, I had to remove both of Tim's grandmothers who passed away this year. Last year, I did the same for my grandmother. That was tough. I still haven't deleted them from my Contacts list. I just can't bring myself to do it.

I do enjoy writing a Holiday letter. We usually send out a photo too. It was much easier wrangling 2 kids into a photo and now that there's 4, we just take what we can get. Thankfully, someone got smart and started offering those cards where you can put more than one photo onto the card. I think it must have been a mom who was sick and tired of trying to get all of her kids to sit still, smile and look at the camera all at the same time.

Tim couldn't care less about this little tradition of mine. He dutifully reads the letter after I've written it and get me the addresses that I request but other than that, he'll have nothing to do with it. I read all of the letters we receive and look over all of the pictures marveling at how much everyone has grown or what has been done over the past year. If there are letters or pictures from good friends of his, I point them out and he reads them and looks at them but this is my thing and he does his part well when asked.

This Holiday card and letter thing is quite the deal. We have one friend who keeps a list of those they've sent them to each year and who reciprocated and if they don't get one back for a couple years in a row, they're off the list. Some take the time to be very witty or creative with their letters. Some just send a photo. Some just send a card. Some just send a letter. Some send a letter, card and photo. It's fun to see the variety and yes, I save them all. I put them all into our scrapbook for the year and it's fun to go back and look at them every now and then. I figure that it will be something that will really be enjoyed 25-30 years from now. We'll have a big snowy day with nothing to do and we'll end up looking at old albums by the fire and it will be fun. Sounds nice.

So for me, thank you to all who send us Holiday cards, letters and photos. I love all of them and look forward to getting them each year. I'll strive to keep my letter to 1 page and will probably go through several re-writes to achieve it and one of these days soon, I'll wrestle the boys into some decent clothes and make them sit for a photo.

Here's to enjoying the process!

D-Term

D-Term has officially begun in our house. Some institutions have J-Term in January where you can take a month-long intensive class between semesters. It's kind of the same idea but we do it homeschool style. Yesterday, D-term officially began. Our first lesson was in Logistics Management. It involved 4 kids in the crawl space figuring out how to get all of the Holiday decorations out without breaking anything, missing anything or bonking any heads on the low ceiling. From there, it turned into how to get everything upstairs, again unbroken, and distributed to the rooms in which they will be unpacked. The third portion involves actually unpacking the boxes and distributing the decorations around the house while the children bounce up and down asking repeatedly "when can we do the tree? When can we do the tree? When can we do the tree?" The evening ended with cultural studies in our first viewing of the "classic" Holiday film "ELF". And there was popcorn. Other classes planned for this D-term include: Gingerbread Baking 101 followed by Gingerbread House Assembly which is a 200 level class involving royal icing and lots of candy; Gift Making - part of the Art and Chemistry departments; Gift Bag Sewing and Tag Making; Popcorn and Cranberry stringing; Ornament Making; Holiday Light Viewing; and How to Enjoy your Holidays without going Crazy! This last class mainly involves letting go of all non-essential duties (such as math) and focusing on making memories with your kids. That's my favorite class of D-term.

Happy Holidays!

Twins's 2nd birthday party

Here are a few photos from our family party that we had for the Twins yesterday. It was, of course, truck themed!

Here's S digging into his cupcake. He did quite a number on the copious amount of frosting!

While C was more interested in the truck atop the cupcake at first, he got into it eventually!

Happy Birthday to you....

Massive cupcakes courtesy of Costo. We added the trucks ourselves. They were a big hit!

They each got a balloon bouquet complete with a truck balloon. They loved them, especially C!

Twin Birth Story Part 1

In honor of my Twins' birthday today, I'm posting my birth story. I love my birth story. It is long and so I've split it up into 5 smaller parts. Happy Birthday my babies!

For 5 ½ long years my husband and I had the same conversation: should we have another baby or not? I was firmly on the “yes” side and he was firmly on the “no” side. It seemed we were at an impasse. I had decided that if we couldn’t come to an agreement by May of 2007, I’d let it go and be at peace with it. One day, around Christmas 2006, Tim came into my office early one morning and asked me, “so when does the Chinese Conception Chart say that we’d need to conceive to have a girl?” I consulted it, feeling some pressure, and came up with a month. And then he said, “Okay.” I couldn’t believe it. I started shaking and crying and laughing all at the same time. It was a moment I honestly never thought would come and I will never forget that feeling. I knew what a huge sacrifice this was for him and I also knew that once he said that little word, he was on board. He’s not the type of guy to go half way so “Okay” meant more than just “we can have a baby.” It meant that he was in it all the way. He’s a great dad so I knew already what that would look like and I was amazed and so, so happy.

Having made that decision, I had some serious thinking and planning to do. I knew that this would be my last pregnancy and birth. I’d had 2 natural hospital deliveries before and they were fine. That’s about it. Just, fine. Nothing earth-shattering neither on the good nor bad side and, as I would come to find out through my research, I was pretty lucky. I decided that what was most important to me was to have a water birth. Water calms me. When I don’t feel well, I take a bath. When I want to relax, I take a bath. On a hot summer day when I want to cool down, there’s nothing better than slipping into a cool swimming pool. Yep, a water birth was going to be right for me. There are 2 hospitals that do water births in the Twin Cities. I chose one and as I researched it more, I realized that they only had one or two tubs and if you don’t fit into their specific parameters or if they’re taken, you’re out of luck. This was my last birth. I wasn’t getting another chance at this and I’d be damned if another laboring mother was going to take that experience away from me! So I decided on a home waterbirth. This was January.

Twin Birth Story Part 2

After deciding on my birth location and ambiance, I started reading. I read Ina May Gaskin, I read Peggy O’Mara, I read every book on natural birth I could get my hands on and it all felt so right. Yes, this was the experience I was looking for. I started researching homebirth midwives and I somehow had the self control not to call any of them at this point because I wasn’t yet pregnant. My IUD was still firmly in place, so we had a little time. We were taking a trip to Costa Rica with my family and I had decided that I didn’t want to be pregnant for that trip so we decided to wait until we returned home and we did. About 2 days after we returned home, I had my IUD removed and it all took off from there. I’m very, very blessed to be highly fertile. My husband teases me that if I walk by a men’s bathroom, I get pregnant. But, we wanted to be a little careful. We were, after all, trying to conceive a girl here. We had 2 wonderful boys and thought that it would be fun to at least try for a girl. You know, to have a different experience this time around. I got pregnant right away and I knew it. I took 3 pregnancy tests. 2 were too early and the 3rd malfunctioned but I knew I was pregnant. I could feel the change in my body and in my spirit. I knew another life had joined me and I didn’t need a test to confirm it. I started calling midwives.

I called several and interviewed 3 before choosing the first person I talked with. Jeanne was just right for me and I knew it from the start. She’s the perfect mix of nurturing and no nonsense that really fits my personality and as it turned out, she was exactly who I needed. I was lucky to not be too sick during my first trimester. I only had about 2-3 weeks of a really yucky tummy that kept me on the couch but at 9 weeks pregnant, we headed to Disney World and on a Disney cruise and luckily, my stomach cooperated and so did the seas which were very, very calm – thank goodness! We returned from our trip in the middle of our kitchen remodel and moved in with my in-laws for a couple of weeks. Truly, I was so blessed to not be down and out during this time because it could have been just awful but it was bearable and I was able to do all that I needed to do…between naps. My biggest complaints from that first trimester were that I was so constipated and bloated that I really felt big already. So much so that I just caved and went into maternity clothes at 9 weeks and it felt so much better not to have any pressure on my bloated belly! Well, that’s when all of the talk started. First, at Disney, we kept seeing twins everywhere. My mother-in-law kept pointing it out because it really was eerie just how many sets of twins we kept seeing. I ignored it. Then my mom started in when I started showing so quickly. I wrote it off to being my 3rd baby and kept insisting that I really was just bloated…but I was big. When I started to feel movement and it was everywhere, I wrote it off to a very active baby. I finally had my first appointment with Jeanne at about 18 weeks and she even said that I was big but didn’t measure too far off and she only felt and heard one baby but left me with the comment that twins usually present themselves by about 28 weeks so we’ll just see. And we did.

Twin Birth Story Part 3

We had already decided that we wanted to have an ultrasound. Tim really wanted to find out the sex of the baby and I didn’t have any objections. So very spryly one August morning, I bopped in for my ultrasound. I teasingly told the technician that we want to know if it’s healthy, of course, but we want to know how many and the sex. I just wanted to shut everyone up once and for all and have her tell me that my little girl was doing just fine. Well, it took her all of 30 seconds to say…”well, there are at least 2 in there and this one’s a boy aaaaaand, that one’s a boy.” What???? I broke down into fits of laughter. I couldn’t believe it. Twin boys. OH MY GOSH! Tim was silent. As silent as I’ve ever seen my husband. He finally looked at me and said “Do we have to move?” I assured him that no, we didn’t but he was still in shock and already in the mode of taking care of his rapidly growing family. It was at that moment that my sister came in. She’d been running a little late and had missed the big reveal. When we told her, she burst out laughing. That was pretty much the reaction we got from people all day as we made phone call after phone call letting everyone know our big news. I had my best friends accuse me of lying to them and so many people laughed and there were a few who were just silent as it sunk in. That was great fun.

It took a few days for the shock to wear off. Tim and I quickly named the babes and it really helped me to begin to know them as 2 little beings inside me. It was amazing. I spent hours staring at my ultrasound pictures still wondering at the fact that there were 2 of them in there and they were mine. I was going to have 2 babies. There was so much that I couldn’t comprehend or wrap my brain around. How do I nurse 2? Can I wear 2? Can I still cloth diaper them? Can I still homeschool? How is this going to change my family? What did I get us into? And through all of the questions and doubts and fears, there was pure joy and excitement. I was so grateful to be able to experience this. It was a pregnancy that I never thought I’d have and now I was getting 2 babies for the price of one. I was so blessed. My family was amazing. The boys were incredibly helpful and excited. We set aside school for the most part and prepared for the arrival of our babies. We cooked and organized and I rested and chose my activities carefully. I had pains that I had never had with the first two and some of them were bad enough to immobilize me at times but still, I was grateful. I talked to each baby and got to know each one of them by their movements. I had fun obsessing over whose little foot was this and whose hand was that. I was in heaven. I was huge. It was perfect.

Twin Birth Story Part 4

Then, at 36 weeks 1 day, I woke up to a new sensation. My water had broke. I’d never experienced that before either so I wasn’t quite sure what it was and I certainly wasn’t planning to fall in to the stereotypical statistic that all twins are born at 36 weeks! I wanted to go to at least 38 weeks so this was not in the plan. Jeanne agreed. I laid down and hung out for a few hours but there was no mistaking it, my water had indeed broken but there were no contractions. The birthing tub came, I visited my chiropractor and my family gathered around me and still no contractions. I was taking all of the recommended precautions because I did have a ruptured bag of waters: I stayed home except for the trip to the chiropractor (I didn’t use her bathroom) and to Jeanne’s, I changed pads very often, I took vitamin C regularly and took my temperature hourly. All this to ward off and check for potential infections but I had no problems. I visited with Jeanne, Jane and Sarah, my midwife team, and we decided that if there was still nothing on Thursday, I would take some homeopathics to give it all a boost. So on Thanksgiving morning, I woke up and started with the homeopathics. Nothing. Finally, after dinner and in the middle of Grey’s Anatomy and while Tim was fixing a blocked sink and a broken t.v., something. And then another something and then boom! I was in full blown labor. I had read that labor with twins is fast and furious and that certainly described mine right from the start.

We called in everyone who would be present at the birth and although we were planning to wait a bit to call the midwives, I decided rather quickly that it was time for them to come. And they came. Sarah busied herself in the kitchen putting together herb packets, teas and other good things and the second Jeanne arrived, I got into the tub. Oh my goodness did that feel good. The next few hours were a blur of one contraction after another. I had back labor so I needed someone applying counter pressure to my back with every contraction – I wasn’t the only one working hard! And then, it was time to push. There was something so freeing and so natural and primal about being able to labor and push in the water and in the positions that felt right in each moment. I didn’t even think about it, I just moved and it was always the right thing and it always brought my baby closer to the moment he was born. S was the first one born. I needed to push and I had to get over my fear of tearing in order to do it. At some point, I just pushed through the fear and the pain and in one push, he was out and in the water in front of me. We were all so surprised! Jeanne and I scooped him up and I held him to me. He was so tiny and I just couldn’t believe that he was here. And very quickly the reality of having to do it again sank in. I was exhausted. I got out of the tub and laid on the couch to nurse my new baby. He was perfect. I laid there for an hour nursing him and someone gave me some honey to boost my energy and someone else made me drink water because I was getting dehydrated and I was just in heaven with my baby. M was awoken and he came down to meet his new brother and then he stayed and helped coach me through my second labor. He was amazing.

Twin Birth Story Part 5

The contractions started back up again and at some point, I knew I had to hand him over and get back to work. I labored for another hour and pushed for another hour and to say that those were the hardest 2 hours of my life would not be an exaggeration. I was so tired and it hurt so much as this second one came down with his head right in my back again so I again needed the counter pressure. As I rode the wave of each contraction and my support team could see that I needed extra energy, they counted in unison. I felt hands on me and energy pouring through those hands and into my body. I felt so loved, so supported and so safe. I knew that I could do this. I knew that my body was made for this and that I was capable and strong. I could birth this baby. I remember saying over and over and over again, “I am strong, I am capable.” There’s nothing like a good ol’ pep talk to get you through! This baby was up high and he was taking his time getting down. I was in the water and then out of the water and on the birthing stool and the midwives were concerned that my tear from Seamus was pretty bad and they didn’t want me to tear more so suggested I deliver laying down. That was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. I couldn’t do it. It was unbearable and I don’t know how I ever delivered my first two lying on my back. Finally, Tim spoke up and said “Let her get back into the water.” I did and he came. He came slowly. I kept checking myself between each push to make sure I was making progress and again, I marveled at how in control of my birth I was. One push before his head came out, my water broke and then out came his head, I felt him turn and then his shoulder came and then, finally, the rest of him slipped out of my body. Cedric was here. He was just as exhausted as I was and he was huge! No wonder it took him so long to make his appearance!

He needed some perking up so Jeanne took him and gave him some oxygen, had daddy talk to him and massaged him. It took a long time but he started to perk up and I finally got to hold him and nurse him. He was so beautiful with big, chubby cheeks and full lips. Wow! I had just given birth to twins in my living room. Incredible.

Some people left and others stayed. Because C was having a bit of trouble, Jeanne and Jane stayed and we all slept a bit. After a few hours, we all perked up and got to do the fun part of weighing and checking out the precious babes. S weighed in at 6lbs 4 oz and C at 8 lbs. Not bad for 3 ½ weeks early! C still wasn’t perking up as well as he could be and because he was so sleepy, he wasn’t interested in nursing. We all made the decision together that we should take him up to Children’s Hospital to make sure he was okay. We all knew instinctively that there wasn’t anything major or life-threatening, but he clearly needed a little help so we took him in. In the end, his glucose was low so they gave him some and he perked up immediately. He did so well that we only stayed one night instead of the normal minimum of two. It was an interesting experience to have had a homebirth and then to go into the hospital. It was nature and medicine working together the way it should be. Our midwives helped advocate for us and the medical staff was respectful. We all met in the middle and it was a good experience. The next day, we headed home and back to bed. I spent a full 2 weeks in bed with my babies and it was just perfect. We had so much wonderful bonding time as a family and I just kept thinking that this is how it’s supposed to be. This is what every woman should feel like after giving birth. I was so empowered. I felt strong, supported, safe and loved and most of all, like I had earned my right to be called mother. I had claimed my right and it was such a powerful feeling.

I am immensely blessed in my life and I am so grateful to have had such an incredible birth experience. It’s something that has affected me deeply and changed me forever. There is nothing I can’t do. I’ve been to the depths of my fear and doubt and I have overcome them and emerged stronger and more powerful than I could have ever imagined. I am so blessed.

Independence

When did we start to believe in America that it's so important that our children be independent? What are we so afraid of? Are we afraid that they'll live with us forever and never amount to anything if we don't make them "independent?" In an effort to begin this journey towards "independence", we start pushing our children away from the very second they are born. They slip out of our bodies and are taken away from us to be "checked out". Artificial lights replace the warmth of mother's arms. Gloved hands rub and touch this new skin instead of mother's loving touch. We actually have to request that they not be whisked away. Does this strike anyone as odd? Imagine being that little baby, just birthing into this world with bright lights shining in your eyes, cold air filling your lungs and no longer hearing that comforting sound of your mother's heartbeat. Suddenly, you're separated from her. That must be really scary and stressful for such a fresh little being. Anyway, it goes on from there. We bring our babies home and put them into a crib, by themselves in a room, by themselves and we expect that they should start "sleeping through the night" as soon as possible and if they don't, we leave them to cry, alone. And in doing that, we are somehow training them to be independent.

What if we have it all wrong? What if true independence comes from knowing that you can count on your parents to give you everything you need, when you need it, every time? What if knowing that you can count on your parents allows you to explore your world on your terms because you know that you have a strong foundation to which you can return when you need it? What if no one pushed you out into the world to do things before you were ready but let you come to it in your own time and in your own way and you didn't have to feel the stress and the disconnect of being in a situation that you're not ready for but history has taught you that you don't have any other choice?

What if we have it all wrong?

For thousands of years, children have been birthed into their mother's arms, been brought to the breast and stayed there in this warm, loving and familiar environment for as long as they needed it. They've slept next to their mothers and could count on getting just what they needed day and night because their mothers were right there to give it to them. When they decided to venture out on their own, they knew that they had their mother to come back to when they were done. Have all of these children been so-called spoiled and overly dependent? I don't think so. There is a lot to be said about the relationship of a strong attachment between parents, especially mothers, with their children and independence. The former leads to the latter. For some children, they need that reassurance of mom longer than others but this doesn't mean that they are overly dependent rather that they are high needs children. Many children are high needs. I have 2 of them. All that means is that they need, actually need, more physical and emotional attention than some other kids. They may need to be held more, need to be by mom more, need some special routines and that's all okay.

For us, that has looked like having a child sleep on our floor off and on for years because some nights, he just needs some extra momma time and yes, simply being in the room with me counts for him. It has looked like me making very good use of slings and carriers because my babies want to be held and are happy when they are held. It looks like lots of cuddles, snuggles, reading time and together time and while there are times that I need a break, as every mother does, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm amazed at some of the things my kids will do and how independent they are. I love watching them run off to play and come back every now and then for a cuddle, kiss or a check-in. I've learned to recognize that as them checking in and making sure that I'm still right there. Once they know that, they're off to play again knowing that if they need me, I'm here.

Of course my journey doesn't look like yours. Mine doesn't look like anyone else's and there definitely needs to be a balance between what your child needs and what the parent needs or it's all for naught. If that balance is missing, someone's not going to be happy and healthy and it's often the mama who gives too much. Finding that balance is key but we must be careful. Being away makes it easier to be away and harder to come back. Balance. We must find the things that fill us up most efficiently and put our energy there when we need to be filled up. Our kids are young for such a short time and while it may seem interminable some days, it's gone in a heartbeat. Balance.

In the end, I want my kids to know that I'm here for them in the way that they need me to be there for them because I know that it will result in well-adjusted and independent kids and afterall, that's the pre-requisite American goal, right? I'm not knocking it. We all want our kids to be well-adjusted and successful in whatever way that means for them. I want my kids to be happy and I know that I'm not alone in that. I simply believe that there is so much time for our kids to be out there in the world being "independent". Why not start them off by giving them a strong foundation of trust to which they can return their entire lives? While they start out by needing that foundation to be built on you, they end up knowing that it's them. They trust themselves. They've learned and explored and they know what's important to them and what kind of people they are at their core. That's what they can come back to and what if that foundation starts not by being pushed out of the nest, but by being pulled in? What if?

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Well we've had quite the week around here. First off, C is not only on still on the potty training path, I'm almost getting bold enough to state that he is indeed potty trained. I don't know why the potty gods decided to smile down on me but I am eternally grateful and will remember not to curse them when potty training S...whenever that happens. It's been 2 weeks exactly since my little man sat up in bed and announced that he had to go potty. That was his last day of diapers. The past 4 days have seen not a single accident AND he either tells me when he has to go or he answers me honestly when I ask him if he has to go AND yes, he's pooping like a pro on the potty. I get it that for those who have no kids, this is T.M.I. Tough. It's a huge thing for the mama so yes, I wrote about poop:).

On the flip side, night weaning has not been going well. In fact, it's been sheer disaster over the past week. Not only were we back to 5-6 hours of nursing straight, he would scream. SCREAM when I would take him off or dare to tell him that "mimi's are nigh-nigh". But, in true C style, a great story has come out of it:

He awoke one night this week asking for mimi's. I explained that "mimi's are nigh-nigh." It didn't go over well. Cue screaming. Ultimately, Tim came in and rocked him a bit to settle him down and then he hands him back and goes back to bed. Start over. Actually, Tim calming him did make it so that I could at least talk with him a bit so it definitely helped. So we went through everyone and everything we could think of "Dadda's sleepin', Ba's sleepin', Bippy's sleepin'....tractors are sleepin....elephants are sleepin'..." you get the point. I lay him back down to go to sleep as he is now calm. I'm settling in to go back to sleep myself when I feel him lean over, right into my ear and whisper "mimi's , mimis!" It was his own little subliminal message system. It was downright hilarious. Man this kid has quite the personality!

Okay, so it went on from there but not in the endearing way that I just mentioned. It involved much more screaming and then some. Thursday night, he woke up at 1:30. At the meer mention that "mimi's are nigh-nigh" he flipped out. I mean FLIPPED OUT! He screamed the likes of which I have not heard from this child. It was other-worldly in nature. I tried in vain to comfort him but he was in the throws of a full-blown temper tantrum and there was no going back. Tim came in and again tried to help. He was holding him and rocking when he...vomited. Yep, all over himself and daddy. He was so upset, poor thing. After getting him cleaned up, pottied and calmed down, I was able to get him back to sleep and yes, I believe I nursed him. He'd been through enough and so had I! That was definitely our low point.

I started wondering if this wasn't happening because of the potty training. It's so common for kids to "regress" in one area when they're working on conquering another area which is also why kids who have slept through the night or at least very well since they were mere weeks old, will stop doing that around 5-6 months. They're working on very exciting things like sitting, crawling, walking, running and so much more. It settles down again around 14-15 months once they have mastered those things. So it is with night weaning and potty training apparently. They don't go hand-in-hand.

I am happy to say, however, that we haven't had a repeat of Thursday night. Friday night was a little better...in that there was no vomiting and the robustness of the screaming was less intense but it was there, nonetheless. After me rocking and reasoning for over an hour, Tim came and brought him downstairs until he fell asleep again. It was still rough. Last night, however was quite good. I seem to remember him waking up around 1:30 but being that I was exhausted fromt he events of the previous 2 nights, I couldn't move to do anything or say anything and it turned out to be the right thing. He cuddled up and settled right back down. Then, he woke up at 5:30, nursed a bit and went back to sleep until 7:30 when he woke up with sunshine in his eyes and exclaimed that he had to go potty! Please, let us be over the hump!

Anyway, that's been our week and it's been a good lesson in remembering that when we're learning new things, other things slide for a bit. I know that's true for me. I like to become fully emersed in a new thing be it researching something, planning something, or learning something new. What slides for me are things like laundry and cleaning and sometimes cooking too. How I managed to land me such a reasonable husband, I'll never know. While I know he doesn't like it, and when it gets too out of control he tells me, he's hanging in there with me - the mark of a good man!

Ooops. We just broke the no accident streak. Darn blog jinx!

Seriously?

C woke up yesterday morning, nursed, sat up and said "Mommy, uckies." I said, "you have uckies?" "Yeah." Okay, we get out of bed, go into the bathroom, take off the diaper, no poop. I ask him if he wants to go on the toilet..."yeah" is the response. So we go into the other bathroom. sit on the potty chair and he goes. And goes. And goes. Wow. So it went on from there. By the end of the day, he had spent most of the day in underwear with just little dribbles for accidents but did most of his peeing in the toilet. Daddy convinced him to put on a diaper to go play outside for which I was especially grateful. Fast forward to this morning. Same scenario except that he actually woke up dry AND refused to put his jammies back on after his morning potty. Luckily, he had insisted on having his Thomas underwear on over his nighttime diaper so we were ready to go.

Okay, I know that I should be ecstatic about all of this and it is quite exciting and I'm very proud of him but I'm also filled with trepidation at the thought of beginning this process with a 23 month old. I hadn't envisioned this happening for about another year and wasn't even looking forward to that since I've done this twice before and it really wasn't fun. However, when they are showing clear signs and capabilities, you go with it, right? Well, we'll see.

In other news, S wants in on the game too. He insisted on having Bob the Builder underwear on OVER his pajamas last night. It's quite a sight. You can only get away with that stuff when you're 2. He's far from ready to be potty trained but he likes to play the "sit on the pot" game so we go with that.

So, we're in a pattern of seeing where this all goes. I'm certainly not going to pin my hopes and dreams on having a 2 year old who is potty trained. I've heard of such miracles taking place - usually with girls but have heard tales about it happening with a boy here and there as well - but have never seen them in my house. I'm trying to remain open and just see what happens but if the potty gods were to smile upon me, I'd really be grateful :).

Halloween 2009

It's Halloween today...finally!...as the boys are exclaiming. They are so excited to go out trick-or-treating tonight and this is the first year that they've been this excited. They have plans to go all throughout the neighborhood collecting as much loot as possible which is, of course, the point.

Every Halloween I'm reminded of my own childhood. My mom had this tradition that was imposed upon her as a child and she just paid it forward with clear intentions of torturing her young, I'm sure. She made us eat liver before we could go out trick-or-treating. Yes, liver. Beef liver none-the-less. So here my sister and I would sit at the kitchen table, costumes donned with the all-powerful carrot of trick-or-treating dangling in front of us and a plate of liver before us blocking the way. I'm quite sure that this can be considered child abuse in some states but clearly Minnesota was not one of them. Each year, when asked yet again WHY we had to ingest this nastiness, she'd simply state, "because it's good for you." Unfortunately for her, we grew older and got wise and our challenging assaults became more and more calculated and precise. We felt slight triumph the year that she conceded to letting my dad chicken fry chicken livers instead of the beef liver. At least the strong, dry flavor was smaller and coated in salty crunchiness. And finally, my sister inflicted the dying blow when one year she pointed out that just because she (mom) had had to eat it as a kid on Halloween DID NOT mean that she had to make her kids do the same. She actually had a choice in the matter and tradition was not a good enough excuse to carry on such vile behavior.

That did it.

I've not had beef liver since and while I don't remember at what age we finally got the abuse to stop but I was old enough to have it burned into my memory forever. We still like to tease mom about it. In all fairness to my mother, she's not that mean. In fact, she can't even tell you why she insisted upon this tradition for so long or why she was so sure that this was what good mothers did for or to (depending on your view point) their kids before allowing them to ingest as much sugar as a body could handle. We as mothers are trained to do our best to raise our children in a healthful way and allowing a sugar free-for-all can be really hard even though it's only once a year. When my kids were younger, I spent plenty of time, effort and money finding candy without corn syrup, all natural or organic and trying to replace the regular candy with this "good stuff". That only can last for so long before you realize that it IS just once a year. So I conceded my point as well.

This year, I gave my kids a choice. We happen to be in the process of going from one treat a day, which we implemented as my own need for constant daily sugar loading has subsided from my days as a mother to newborn twins, to having sweets once or twice a week. Yes, we're doing this right in the middle of Halloween and right at the beginning of the Holiday season. We'll see how this goes. Anyway, I came to the kids with a proposal earlier in the week. They could either choose to have one treat a day all week and then 3 small pieces of candy on Halloween night or choose to not have any treats all week and then have a candy free-for-all tonight. Well, my kids are smart and they chose the free-for-all. They've been really great about not having treats all week but have been talking incessantly about Halloween which stands to reason of course! They are so excited about tonight that they can't hardly stand it. I have to say that I truly enjoy letting go on Halloween and watching them plow through as much of their stash as is humanly possible. G last year swore off all candy for the rest of forever after his tummy ache set in (and then of course was ready to give it one more go the following day - such a martyr). I don't know if I'll have them sort and graph their stash before digging in this year or not - we have to fit some math in somewhere, right? But to be sure, a great and sugar-filled time will be had by all and may the ensuing crash and tummy aches be mild.

Happy Halloween!

Uncharted Territory

I just gave my boys a Latin Test. This is the first test they've ever taken and I was more curious about how they would deal with it than concerned about the outcome. It just so happens that printed on the test are the possible points you can earn for each section. This intrigued them and they both commented on it but only G worked really hard to get as many points as possible. M did quite well too but when he came to the end "fill in the blank" section, I found this note: "How am I supposed to know this without a clue?"

Yep, that's my boy! It reminds me of the time I asked one of my college French professors if he had opened a vein on my paper that he had just returned to me because there were so many red markings on it. He wasn't amused. I, however, am. He still didn't get the points though.

Personalities

It's always amazed me how quickly our children's personalities come through. As mothers, we start getting to know our little ones in the womb. We know how they kick or wiggle, what their busy time of day is and how they react when you poke them a bit. We, of course, spend time wondering if they're going to be terrors once they're born based on all the kicking that they do at 3am. But once they're born, they begin to show themselves right away. We have some very distinct personalities in our house to be sure. M came into this world entertaining everyone and he's never stopped. From the moment he could smile, he was coaxing smiles and reactions out of everyone around him. He would have long gobbledegook conversations with people from a very young age complete with gestures, well-placed laughs and impressive timing. He's still like that today. He's always telling jokes and entertaining anyone and everyone. He loves being the center of attention and will do anything to get there. When he was little, he could always be reasoned with. I didn't know what a blessing that was until G came along.

After having our first child who's personality filled a room, G was different. He COULD smile but you'd really have to work for it and the only person who could really get him going was M. He had an idea about this world and we were along for the ride. As a toddler, he resembled a grumpy old man at times. In the morning, he would get up, very crabby, and make his way to the couch with his blanket where he would demand a sippy cup (sikky cup) and a show. After his morning libation and show, he was ready to greet the world and, to his credit, he did so in a good way. He was a challenging toddler because he fussed and whined a lot and it honestly wore on us. I used to tease that if he ever went to school, he would leave a trail of retired teachers in his wake because he was so willful and opinionated and there was no reasoning with him. On the flip side, he was so lovey and cuddly. He loved his mama and we cherished our cuddle time. He turned into Mr. Amiable at about 8pm so we started letting him stay up until we went to bed because he was so wonderful and happy at that time of night and we just cherished having that time with him. He's still very intense in his moods. He's either very happy and lighting up the room or screaming mad. I swear I've seen steam come out of his ears at times. He's very passionate and that passion will serve him well some day. In the meantime, we're working on some self-control.

S came into this world in a very explosive and dramatic way. The smallest of all of our babies, it took one push to birth him and it surprised everyone in the room. He asserted himself as "fierce" from day one and we nicknamed him catbird because his cry sounded like a cat yowling and his mouth was always open to nurse like a little baby bird. He was either very, almost eerily, content or screaming mad (sound familiar?) and he has one volume - loud! Even when he's excited and saying hello to everyone or naming things, he's yelling. He knows exactly what he wants and whom he wants to get it for him. You often feel a push on your shoulder if you're holding him and he wants you to go in a certain direction and "GO" was one of his first words. He has definitely followed in G's footsteps in waking up in a less than stellar mood and we haven't yet found what trips his trigger to get him happy and ready to start his day. We're working on that. And even when I'm exhausted from the whining, I can pick him up and he'll lay his head on my shoulder and cuddle in and it's just the sweetest thing. He's a master cuddler and I just love how that makes all of my stress just melt away.

C has to be our most consistently amiable child. He's such a joy. Even when he was tiny, Tim would say that his cry was so polite. It was more of a fuss and seemed to say "if you don't mind and if you have time, I'd like to nurse please." His smile is radiant and he exudes pure joy from the twinkle in his huge, brown eyes to the flexing of his fingers and toes when he's excited or happy. If he asks for things and you explain that he needs to wait for just a minute, he always says "okay" in his little sing-song voice. I truly want to bottle him up and just keep him this way forever. He's so wonderful. We get so many "Okays" and "Yeah!s" from him and it just warms your heart every time. We ask him questions just to get to hear his little voice and it's so precious. He does have his intense moments and S is usually the receiver of that and has the scratches on the cheeks and had many, many bite marks to show for it. He seems to be getting over that a bit (the biting at least) and we're very grateful for it!

It's wonderful to see what type of people our kids are growing into. It's not always easy and we admit that we're in a very challenging time right now with a couple of them but it's nice to have the good parts to balance everything out and make us remember why we had them and why we adore them the way we do. I always try to keep in mind that every part of their personality will serve them in their life in some way and they just have to learn how to use it all in a good way. And it's important to remember that on the days when you just want them to be quiet and stop being so stubborn and whiny because we all reach the end of our rope at some point. We all have things in our personalities that we need to tone down or liven up a bit to bring us some balance and it's in discovering those things and making the changes that balance and growth come into our lives. So I strive to maintain my own balance and remember how fleeting all of these things are and how we're doing our best to shape them into fine young men. Here's to enjoying the ride along the way!

Boomwhacker fight

Boomwhackers are these tubes that you hit on things and they make different notes. They're very cool. I decided that this would be a good place to begin musical education with my children because you can hit things. Boomwhacker practice ended with a "sword" fight and G saying to little S, "Come on! Let's go take over the world!!" to which little S said, "okay!"

Welcome to my world.

It's happened

Well, the day has finally come. I was asked point blank by G about Santa. He was very adament and wouldn't let me weasel my way out of it like I did last year. So, we sat down, mono e mono and had "the talk." Not "the talk" that comes a little later but this one can have just as big of impact depending on the child. I remember when I found out. It was the year my grandpa died so we were spending it with my grandma. I "knew" there was no Santa but had no proof until that night. I was sleeping on the couch but not yet quite asleep. I heard my mom and dad come in and fill the stockings, eat the cookies and drink the milk. There was a part of me that was crushed. I was 11 at the time - probably older than most but I just kept that part alive in my heart for as long as possible.

G admitted that he was a little disappointed too but felt that he was ready so he was glad that he now knows. I think I'm more sad in a way than he is but I don't think our conversation could have gone better. We have always told the kids that Santa is the spirit of giving so that's where I started. I explained that it's kind of like God. God is within each one of us and when we give in the spirit of Santa, Santa is living in our hearts. He liked that. Okay, I liked that. I don't want the magic of the season to completely disappear for him because I love it so much but it's up to him in the end. I went on to swear him to secrecy, of course, because I don't want my kid to be responsible for breaking the hopes and dreams of all of his friends and his older brother to boot! I knew this day would come but it was a little piece of innocence, which we protect so fiercely, going away. Sometimes being a parent is a little heartbreaking.

What's for dinner?

G: What's for dinner mom?

Me: Turkey Wild Rice Soup

G: Mmmmm.....turkey?

Me: Yes, turkey.

G: Not chicken?

Me: No, turkey. Remember, I made that turkey? I'm using that for the soup.

G: What did you use last time?

Me: Turkey

G: You said it was chicken.

Me: No I didn't.

G: Yes you did.

Me: Well, they're pretty much the same thing anyway.

G: No, it's pretty much NOT the same thing. Turkey is turkey and chicken is chicken mom and they are not the same thing.

Me: Okay, sorry.

Man, everyone's a critic! Half the time they ask me 20 times what we're having for dinner and then they don't listen to my answer anyway unless they hear the magic "pizza" word and the other half of the time we're debating about the difference between turkey and chicken. Kids!

Grandmas

I am so incredibly blessed to have a mom and a mother-in-law who are awesome, to say the least. They just set the standard for the kind of mom/mother-in-law I want to be when my kids get married and start having kids. They know how to come over and be helpful in just the right kind of way and I appreciate it so much. This past week, they've both been their weight in gold! My MIL came over yesterday, as she does every Tuesday so I can go to yoga. Yesterday though, I wasn't feeling the best and was afraid I was on the edge of another bout with mastitis so I decided not to go to yoga but to take it easy instead...as much as is possible with 4 kids that is. She came anyway. I ran a few errands and had lunch...alone...and then came home to one sleeping twin and I proceeded to lie down with the other one while she cleaned my kitchen and washed all of the dishes before leaving. That's just priceless in my life right now!

My mom arrived last night to see the truly obscene collection of clean laundry awaiting folding and putting away. It had outgrown the 6 laundry baskets and the wall in the laundry room was playing a key role in keeping it all from spilling onto the floor. It was bad. She enlisted the boys and they got it all sorted, folded and all but mine and Tim's put away. Then, she helped me start dinner before she left. So nice. I feel spoiled sometimes but I also appreciate it so much that it's beyond words. It's the kind of thing that I want to do for my sons and their wives some day so I can pay it forward. I am truly, so incredibly blessed to have these women in my life. I love you both. Thank you!

Lovely Day

We had a very nice day on Sunday. The weather was gorgeous for the first time in weeks and weeks. It was sunny and about 60 or more degrees. The trees were a glowing yellow and it was beautiful. I spent the morning hanging out with the kids. Tim left for Atlanta for a business trip and that left us to our own devices for 4 days. During naptime, I finished the first Halloween costume for G. It's awesome. I was also able to get started on M's which I expect to go much faster since it's the same pattern and I've been through my learning curve on G's. Fingers crossed.

Angella showed up about 2pm and we waited for the twins to wake up from their nap and then headed off to the Arboretum. Although it was kind of spendy to get in for the subsequent hour that we were able to be there and we were lamenting it a bit, it was so worth it for the beauty of it all. We didn't even bring a stroller for the twins which got a bit hairy at times but was fine overall. They ran and explored everywhere. C had fun putting leaves into a little stream with a waterfall and S found a little toad. He squealed with delight every time he reached out for it and it hopped. It was minutes of fun and eventually, all of the boys joined in...poor toad. M and G were stick/sword collecting and having great fun.

We ended up on a hill with a tree at the top. The boys were running up and down the hill (resulting in some lovely grass stains that I'm now working to get out but so worth it). The looks on their faces were of pure joy. The aforementioned tree had some strange fruit on it. We thought at first that it was a crabapple tree but upon further inspection, the fruit was more cherry-like than apple-like. Seeing this as a science lesson waiting to happen, I squashed one between my fingers so we could check out th inside. That's when it hit me...the smell. I looked over and finally saw the "leaves" on this tree. It was a female Ginko Biloba. Now if you've never seen a Ginko Biloba, they're so cool. The leaves are fanlike with distinct lines in them. They are actually made up of pine needles that fused together millions of years ago resulting in this very distinct and way cool leaf. I explained that to the boys and then mentioned that this was a FEMALE Ginko Biloba. It's not legal to actually plant one in your yard...because of the smell. Now if a mom of 4 boys can actually get one to wrinkle his face in disgust, you know you're doing something right. I was 2 for 4 in that moment and would have had all of them if the twins had even been remotely interested. One point for mom. The smell eminating from the squashed fruit all overy my fingers was like poop. No getting around it. It was a poop smell. Again, being the mom of 4 boys, I know the smell very well and identified it immediately. Thankfully, there was a bathroom right there and I was able to go and wash my hands thereby ending the lesson.

We left the Arboretum and hit Costco on our way home. We have a traditional "Daddy's left on a business trip" dinner that we make the first night that he leaves. It's scrambled eggs and waffles. The twins were helping me make it so it took at least twice as long and made at least twice the mess but they had a blast. The best part came when we were cracking eggs to make the scrambled eggs. They were handing me the eggs and cracking them for me before handing them to me even though I was trying to tell them to just hand them to me. Seriously, herding cats. So, we eventually got all of the eggs into the bowl and the kitchen floor cleaned up. They then decided that they wanted to play scoop and dump so I set out towels on the floor, gave them a bowl of water, a smaller container and each a measuring cup. I was really impressed with how well they did actually getting the water from the bowl to the container with minimal spilling...for awhile. At some point, I count on getting my floor washed with this exercise which is one of the things that makes it worthwhile for the mom. They had a good time.

Finally, dinner on the table, everyone is happily eating their "wapples" and then eating mommy's "wapples". Bedtime came and, of course, no one was tired because they were all sugared up from the "wapples". Maybe we need a new tradition.

All-in-all, it was such a lovely day. We hope the weather holds so we can have more in the coming weeks!

Like in a dream...

The other day, C came into the school room where the older boys and I were doing some lessons. He took the lacing beads off of the shelf and sat down to start lacing them. A couple of minutes later, S came in, took the other end of the lace and started lacing that end. They played beautifully for several minutes and then (ready for this?) C cleaned it all up before leaving the school room. Amazing. Totally amazing. Since I don't know when in the next 20 years something like this might occur again, I just had to write about it!

S going to sleep

Here's what putting S down for bed usually looks like. This routine can take anywhere from 10-60 minutes depending on the night. The poor thing just can't settle himself down and if there are any distractions in the room, it's over. If daddy's in bed with us, he kicks him out. If there's a loud noise from the hall or downstairs just at the wrong time, he's up. I know that in time, he'll be able to calm himself a little faster and as he gets older I can teach him some tools for calming himself down. This is kind of an entertaining routine though and most of the time, it's actually a nice time for me to lay there with him and think about my day and what I'm going to do with the next hour or two before I go to bed myself. Sometimes he gets so boisterous that it's downright funny and I have to keep from laughing so he doesn't think it's playtime. Thank goodness that C can sleep through all of it!

C, S and I get into bed and give kisses goodnight. I remind them that after this, mimi's (nursing) go nigh-nigh until the sun comes up. I get a "yep" from C and non-acknowledgment from S. We all then lie down and nurse. C falls asleep within 5 minutes so I put him on his pillow, give him his pacifier and cover him up. One down. I then turn my attention to S. We cuddle up as he's done nursing too. He takes his blanket corner in his left hand and sucks the first 2 fingers on his left hand. He's calm and cuddly and then...

S: mom.....mom.... MOM!

Me: shhh, it's time for nigh-nigh

quiet

S: banan. banan. banan. banan. banan. banan. mo banan. (yawn)

quiet

S: (sits up and claps hands) Patty cake, patty cake THROW!!! Patty cake, patty cake THROW!!!

Me: Shhh, it's time for nigh-nigh. (cuddle him back up and give him back his blanket)

S: (quiet, deep breathing but the hands are going) whitub. whitub. witub. Mom. (rubs nose) Nose. (scratches cheek. scratches ear) Ear (rubs eyes) Eyes.

Me: shhh, go to sleep.

S: yawn followed by quiet with deep breathing....rolls over....rolls over again....uncovers..."Stuck!"

Me: (I "unstuck" his foot which is tangled in the covers from the repeated rolling over)

S: yawn with more quiet and deep breathing...rolls over. Arm starts waving back and forth.

S: yawn...another yawn...starts moving his head back and forth 10-20 times.

Me: Shhh, it's time for nigh-nigh

S: loud yawn. (pulls the covers back up and over the head...maybe this will work) yawn. (Moves my arm to his waist. Moves the other one to his head. Moves the one from his head to his waist. Okay, that's good.) yawn.

After varying lengths and repeats of this entire scenario, he's finally quiet and breathing deeply with no movement. I count 20 breaths. Maybe he's really asleep? I count 10 more breaths. Yes, I think he might be. I pull my arm out from under his head and adjust him so he's on his pillow. Whew!

Sleep well kiddo!

Night Weaning Part 2

C woke up once in the night last night and only asked for his pacifier. This is the first time he didn't ask to nurse. Yay, it's working! Truly, I'm getting much better sleep and I'm sooooo, grateful. It actually makes me excited to go to bed each night! Keep it comin' boys!

Night Weaning

About a week and a half ago, I started to night wean C. He had decided over the previous few days that I was a human pacifier. He liked it. I didn't. So right in the middle of my mastitis attack, right when I SHOULDN'T be undertaking this, I did. I actually just cut him off when he was done drinking instead of letting him pacify for the next 2 hours. He wasn't happy about it a few times but we made it through and the next night, it was much better. After a couple of nights of that, and after my mastitis cleared up, I started telling him that "mimi's go nigh-nigh" and he can have them again when the sun comes up (which is really rich seeing as how it's been raining and anything but sunny for so long I can hardly remember - except for yesterday:)). Anyway, he would still wake up a couple of times a night asking for mimis and each time, I would rock him and sing to him (still in bed) and each time, it would take less and less time. And then, he started waking up just once during the night asking for them and again, I tell him that mimis go nigh-nigh and he still doesn't like it but he calms down in about a minute. That's where we still are and I'm so happy about it. I know that he's going to give up that last waking soon and then we'll be sleeping all through the night. Wow! My favorite part of the whole thing is when I put them down at night, we all 3 lay together in bed and nurse and before we nurse I tell him "C, this is the last mimis until the sun comes up. After this, mimis go nigh-nigh okay?" And he replies in his little voice "Yep. Kay." Priceless.

As for S and his nighttime activities, he's doing it on his own. He mostly likes to be cuddled at night and several months ago, I just started giving him his blanket when he would wake up and he'd go back to sleep. Now, I still do that and sometimes he wants to be cuddled so we do that and go back to sleep. He likes to nurse once about 5am and I'm just fine with that.

Man, pretty soon I'll be getting so much sleep I'll hardly know what to do with myself! It's such a change from sleepig in 15 min - 1 hour increments which was our low point of about 10-11 months of age or so...exactly a year ago. How far we've come! I think because we've had every sleep "schedule" known to man, I'm able to be so grateful for what we have going now and what I hope is right around the corner. Yay!

M Gets Braces!

M got his braces on today. The first picture is the before and then the ever-special retractors, Papa setting the braces and then the end product. He's sore tonight but nothing too major. He's very excited to have his braces on and is showing them to everyone. Although a little taken aback by the discomfort of getting them on and not being able to really prepare himself for the current discomfort, I'm really proud of him for having such a great attitude. Way to go buddy!

No longer a baby

I took this photo the other day as I looked at S in his high chair eating breakfast. He suddenly didn't look like a baby anymore but completely a little boy. Wow, it goes so fast.

(sorry for the sideways photo. I'm too lazy to go in and edit it at this point. Need to remember to do that before I export!)

Go Vikes!

We got to go to the game last weekend...you know, the one where Favre threw a touchdown to win the game with 2 seconds left? Yeah, that one. It was pretty cool.

Bountiful Harvest

Salsa!

I loved that this tomato ripened this way. It was so neat.

This was one picking...probably about 1/4 of our total harvest.

Here are some pictures of just one of our several pickings of our amazing tomato harvest that we had this year. It was truly amazing.

G's broken wing

Here are a couple of shots of our G-man with his broken arm. We even wrapped it up really well and went to the water park one day. He survived it all just fine and hasn't missed a beat. To recap, he broke it when he fell off a horse at Finnridge. It was a bow fracture which is apparently fairly common. 3 weeks with a splint and he was all healed up!

Apple Picking

I love apple picking. It's one of my favorite activities that we do all year and luckily, the boys love it too or at least they joyfully indulge me. This year, the twins were active participants and it was so much fun. M and G loved playing King of the Hill on the big straw pile. Good times.

Sleepy Kids

S fell asleep right on M while they were playing!

S fell asleep while atempting to walk up the steps.

C and S all cuddled up. They've done this since they were tiny. So cute.

C and G sleeping in my bed

I've always gotten a kick out of how many places and in how many ways the kids can sleep. I love the photos of them when they snuggle together. They're so precious. And S, like M before him, just falls asleep wherever he is at the moment. I have pictures of M falling asleep on the steps, right in front of a toy in the middle of playing with it, tons in his high chair and my favorite, he went in to use the bathroom and never came out. So I went in to investigate and he had laid his head down on the step stool in front of the sink and fallen asleep. It was so funny. Here are a few current shots of my sleeping beauties.

Family Reunion

We had a family reunion on my mom's side this summer and it was so much fun. A lot of the family was able to attend which was really neat. We all missed grandma but it is a testament to her mothering and dedication to her family that so many of us still choose to be together whenever we can. (above) Daddy and the babes playing. Daddy is an excellent acrobat!

Daddy and M enjoying the awesome ribs.

S and my cousin's son had a routine down and it was adorable. S would eat some cake and then his cousin would wipe his mouth. They did this for several minutes. I wish I would have had the presence of mind to make a video. We'd be guaranteed $10k!

Suckers

The twins experience the sticky goodness that is their first sucker. Mmmmm.

Let them eat cake

From G-man's birthday party. We got these cupcakes from Costco and they were MASSIVE. Seriously. The babes scooped that day!

You know what I'll miss...

Because I know that the twins are my last babes, I seem to be paying better attention to some of the little things that I know I'm going to miss when they're gone. Things like...

- washing little hands in the sink
- slobbery kisses
- the way they say "mama"
- the way they talk in general with their adorable mispronunciations and made up words.
- C's agreeable nature. When you ask him if he wants to do something his sing song voice says "yeah!"
- The way they lay their heads on my shoulder and cuddle in
- The way that I can actually still carry them both (one is 23lbs and one is 27lbs)
- The sleepy eyed looks they get when nursing
- Bare baby toes
- Bare baby butts
- Belly laughs
- Bath time
- Bedtime
- First thing in the morning cuddles
- Nursing
- Watching the games they play together
- Watching them figure things out like shape sorters or how to get that Cheerio onto the spoon and into the mouth
- Watching them see and do things for the first time and the look of amazement that comes across their face.

There are so many more. I pray that I never take any of them for granted.

Choices

I was talking with a friend the other day...another crunchy mama...about how I often feel like I don't want to "complain" about how things are going when I'm having a rough day to my friends who have made more mainstream life choices than I have. For whatever reason, I feel like it would be tantamount to saying that my choices aren't working and I should have stayed on the conventional path all the time and not made some of these "strange" choices that I have for myself and my family. I don't like feeling this way and I know enough to know that this is more about me worrying about being judged or worrying that maybe I have made things more difficult with my choices but I don't entirely think that's fair. We all make choices about our parenting whether we stay with mainstream choices or we forge a new or lightly-used path. In the end, we're all just trying to do the best we can for our kids.

For example, at nearly 22 months, my twins are still nursing and we have no plans to stop anytime soon. Sometimes, it's not so fun to be nursing toddlers. Sometimes they try to do acrobatics while nursing and it hurts! It's not always easy for them to keep their teeth out of it and it's a special kind of pain to have your toddler try to talk while nursing. Does that mean that I don't think it's worth it to still be nursing my toddlers? Absolutely not. I adore nursing them. It's such a wonderful bonding time, especially as they get busier. It's this perfect grounding time for them when things get a little too crazy or when they push their independence to the limit of their comfort zone. I love knowing that they can come back to mommy and nurse to feel better and know that they are still deeply connected to me. I believe that it has very positive effects on all of us. I've experienced weaning one of my kids before I was truly ready and feeling that regret so I won't stop nursing just because it's uncomfortable sometimes and I believe that I'll just know when we're all ready to be done but I'm really hoping that it's not for quite awhile yet.

At almost 22 months, my babies still don't sleep through the night and they still sleep right next to me in bed and I'm okay with this too...most of the time. I do have my moments when we have nights where someone isn't feeling well and spends a good share of the night nursing or fussing or sleeping fitfully. I've been at my wits end where I get into bed and have exactly 15 minutes of sleep before getting woken up and then being woken up every 1-2 hours for months at a time. Is it fun? Not really but it's not the end of the world either and I appreciate the sleep that I do get so much. We celebrate our nights where everyone sleeps so peacefully. I can really see that they are working within their own comfort systems to learn to self-soothe and put themselves back to sleep. It gets a little "better" every night and I can look back and see just how far we've come and knowing that, I can see that it's going to continue like that. I've also felt the heartache of letting my babies cry it out and forcing them to self-soothe. I've felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach that's telling me that this isn't okay with me but I didn't know what that was at the time and I didn't know that there were other choices that I could make. Every time I've been frustrated with being so tired I could scream, I've given myself permission to let them cry-it-out but I never do. I know it's an option and it's one that a lot of people use with varying success but I also know that it's not part of who I am or how I want to parent my kids so I don't do it because I know that there are other choices that fit better with my parenting style and beliefs. And there is nothing, just nothing better than waking up and being surrounded by my precious kiddos with their morning faces and their cuddly countenances. It just doesn't get better than that and it's a wonderful way to start the day.

Yes, there are times when I want to throw my cloth diapers out the window and not wash another one but I'm so accustomed to them now that throwing away a regular disposable diaper is the same to me as putting an aluminum can in the garbage. I just can't do it. So I wash another load of diapers and sometimes use biodegradeable disposables when I need a break and man we're going to have a huge party with a big ol' mama happy dance on the day that I do my final load! And I will know that I was true to myself.

And there are times when I consider putting my kids in school because homeschooling is tough and there are times when I've wondered if it's worth the added stress. But when I seriously think about it, there are too many good things about homeschooling for our family and most of all, my kids WANT to be homeschooled and I love it, even when it's hard.

So what's my point here? My point is that we all make choices with our parenting and there are a lot to make from breastfeeding to sleeping arrangements to circumcision to vaccinations, school options and a whole vast universe in between. In the end, does it matter what choices we make as long as they are conscientiously made and have the best interests of our children at heart? Probably not. But it does matter to us as parents. We need to make the choices that are consistent with who we are and what we believe. Just because I make a certain choice for my family doesn't mean that it's the right choice for everyone but I've learned enough on my parenting journey to know what feels right to me and what doesn't and I know that for me, when I get that feeling of dis-ease in the pit of my stomach and an ache in my heart, I'm not being true to myself and being true to myself is more important to me than getting a full nights sleep or no more sore nipples or having a huge amount of time to myself. I only have this one chance with each of my kids to do the best that I can and I don't want to look back and have regrets because with kids, there's no do-over.

I know that I shouldn't be afraid to vent when I need to vent because we all have those days and there's no such thing as a perfect parent. We're all doing the best we can with the tools that we have right now in this moment and in every moment, our best is different. The last thing we need to do is to spend our time and energy judging other parents for their choices or worrying that we're being judged. We're all in this together, in the end. Collectively, we're raising the next generation in the best way that we know how, just like our parents did with us and back and back and back. So far, everything's turned out pretty well so we have no reason to believe that it will be any different with our kids, right? Right. So here's to conscious choices and Happy Parenting!